WATERVILLE, Maine — Local music venue Reggie’s reportedly collapsed after a wall of death during an Avulsed concert turned out to be load-bearing, sources report.
“I asked that singer to keep the crowd in a wall of death throughout the entire duration of their setlist,” venue owner Bryant Sears complained. “He went through with it during their first song, but then just let the crowd move away from each other and become a regular circle pit. That’s when all hell broke loose. I thought I got the message across, but I guess he didn’t really gather how vital that wall of death was to this venue’s structural integrity. We obviously had to cancel the show, and now I have to put up with people wanting me to refund their ticket prices on top of all the repairs. This is an absolute disaster.”
Avulsed frontman Dave Rotten didn’t take warnings serious enough to avoid the catastrophe.
“The owner had told me to have the wall of death persist, but I just figured he didn’t know what he was talking about,” Rotten said. “You know how many idiot venue owners mention moshing to me before I go on stage? Usually they’re asking us to keep it to a minimum, and I figured that’s what this guy was doing, too. Little did I know that the entire venue was going to crumble 9/11-style the second the wall of death dissipated. We were only on our second song, too. Maybe if we had made it to ‘Gorespattered Suicide’ the building would still be standing, as the walls of death during that are always insane.”
Contractor Lily Brodin provided an estimate on the damage.
“I’d put a ballpark estimate on this one around $50K, at least,” Brodin mentioned while surveying the venue. “I warned the owner when I came here for the building inspection that there’s no way the partitions will remain unless audiences agree to split up and charge at each other indefinitely, and it looks like he didn’t heed my advice. Honestly, it was negligent of him to let this happen. I’m shocked that nobody was hurt, and thank God that’s the case, because he’d be dealing with people suing him for their medical debts the likes of which he would’ve never recovered from.”
At press time, it was revealed that insurance would not cover the damage, as Reggie’s had been in violation of the “no crowd kill” clause.