Those pigs got nothin’ on you that will stick, so instead of calling that shitty lawyer that screwed up your public intoxication case last time, why not use your one jail phone call for something worthwhile—like requesting your favorite Sublime song on WGRZ 104.1 the only real rock radio left in the damn town? Well before you call up the ‘Fishstick and The Monkey Morning Show’ and get this party started, make sure you request the right song. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law, and fact is every Sublime song is about committing a crime or ten. You gotta be careful, or you’ll be stuck Doin’ Time waiting for your Ruca to bail you out of the Jailhouse. Here’s our ranking for the top 20 worst Sublime songs you could request on local radio while you’re in lockup, and don’t forget to give Lou-Dog a shoutout.
20. 40 Oz. to Freedom
The title track to Sublime’s debut studio album, “40 Oz. to Freedom” is the perfect soundtrack for your stay at the Greybar Hotel. Just make sure to enjoy that Colt 45 when you get out, because let’s face it—as soon as you finish, your dumb ass is going to be right back in jail after you have a falling out with your old lady and get so drunk you piss on a cop car.
19. Burritos
This irreverent, apathy-driven tribute to slackerdom is a great song for you to request on the radio from a holding cell—this one is all about the stuff you don’t want to do, so you ain’t admitting to shit, plus you got a built-in alibi that you were in bed all day. Damn, we’re good at this lawyer stuff.
18. Badfish
Yes, this song is about struggling in the grips of a heroin addiction, but it’s masked with enough metaphor that I wouldn’t worry too much. I mean, the cop that processed you had a tattoo of the Punisher logo, a vigilante that embodies the failure of the criminal justice system—just tell them the “Badfish” are the sharks in “Finding Nemo” and the symbolism will go right over their heads.
17. What I Got
What I Got is an all-time classic, and this one starts out great:
“Take all of your money, give it all to charity”
Beautiful, any jury would eat this up. But when we get to exhibit B,
“I don’t get angry when my mom smokes pot
Hits the bottle and goes right to the rock”
Okay, maybe the ‘Mom smoking crack’ bit isn’t great, but we can work the troubled childhood angle in court.
16. Jailhouse
Songs like “Jailhouse,” a spirited Bob Marley and the Wailers cover, are the reason Sublime posters were once a staple in college dorm rooms across the country. What better soundtrack to fight the injustice of that underage drinking charge you copped after the campus police busted up your college house party than a protest song about the youth’s endless resilience in the face of oppression? We don’t recognize your authority, campus pigs.
15. Pawn Shop
According to Sublime legend, Bradley would pawn his and his bandmates’ instruments to fund his drug habit, leaving his band scrambling to find gear before gigs. Oh that reminds us, we may or may not have pawned your Grandfather’s WWII medals for drug money, but we had just enough leftover to post your bail. So, you’re welcome?
14. Saw Red
This underrated track featuring No-Doubt era Gwen Stefani is a dream tag team match of ’90s ska-punk titans. It’s a shame that they never collaborated more back in the day because this song kicks ass, plus you get the feeling the Gwen Stefani of today would see some kids skating from her tinted limousine window and call the cops. Go ahead and request this one on the radio and let the nostalgia wash over you.
13. Santeria
Melancholy, soulful, and with a hint of attempted murder, “Santeria” might just be the perfect Sublime song. Brandishing a .45 and threatening the guy who stole your girl might not win you any points with the guards, but your cellmates will love it. You might be staying a while after this request, so go ahead and get that prison tattoo of the Sublime sun you always wanted.
12. Garden Grove
“Garden Grove” is an ode to life’s little everyday pain-in-the-asses—”gettin’ hassled by the man, wakin’ up to an alarm’, stickin’ needles in your arm”—oops, hold up, it’s another heroin song. Maybe give this one a miss, or you’ll be “pickin’ up trash on the freeway, feelin’ depressed every day”.
11. Doin’ Time
With lyrics like: “The tension, it’s getting harder, I’d like to hold her head underwater,” we were pretty skeptical, but turns out 40% of cops are surprisingly chill about lyrics like that, and the other 60% are completely fine looking the other way. So you’re good I guess? Feels wrong, though.
10. Ebin
There’s a lot of gnarly shit happening in this song—the KKK, Contras in Nicaragua, and a former friend named Ebin getting mixed up with Nazis in prison. But you should be out Monday when your bail gets posted, so let’s not get mixed up with the Aryan Brotherhood for a weekend stay in the clink. Give this one a skip.
9. Same in the End
Bastard, hillbilly, junkie, abuser, Bradley explores how the darkness in our hearts was planted at birth by the sins of our Fathers, and the fight to overcome this crushing burden will be an eternal fight for one’s own soul that you can never fully win. Man, I feel like we really made a breakthrough with this song! Unfortunately, you can’t admit any of this to the law, so don’t request this song and bury those feelings way down inside forever.
8. Get Ready
“Load up the bong, crank up the song, let the informa call 911, and when security police force want to arrive, just pull out the .9, pop in the clip, and let one slip into these crazy fools.” Well, that escalated quickly. Bong rip to shooting cops in one verse, I’m starting to think these Sublime fellas aren’t big fans of law enforcement. Skip for your own sake.
7. April 29th, 1992
This Gonzo journalism-take on the ‘92 L.A. Riots is one of Sublime’s best songs, but whatever you do just make sure you don’t sing along or you’ll be admitting to about 17 felonies and 9 misdemeanors in a holding cell—so maybe leave out the parts about you participating in some anarchy.
6. Smoke Two Joints
Yeah, yeah, it’s not a drug, it’s a natural herb—but until this shit is federally legal, you gotta chill on talking about that good sensimilla on a hot phone. A second joint might be waiting for you when you get out of lockup, but smoking the first one in the ballpit of a McDonald’s PlayPlace is what got you in here in the first place.
5. Let’s Go Get Stoned
Do you want a cavity search? Because requesting this song is how you get a cavity search. You can’t say the words ‘let’s go get stoned’ over a prison payphone and expect the cops not to hassle you about it. But yes, yes we do want to go get stoned at the aquarium and try to steal an octopus when you get out.
4. Seed
This song is about either getting a questionably-aged woman pregnant or getting her addicted to heroin, so either way you’re going down a dangerous road with this request. And considering the only gardening you’ve ever done is that wilted weed plant in your closet, maybe skip this one and ask for a different Sublime song.
3. Caress Me Down
You know what man, if you want to request the filthy bi-lingual fuck anthem about how your ‘mushroom tip’ went ‘drip drip drip’ while locked in a holding cell full of suspected criminals be my guest. Just don’t come crying to us if you find out one of your cellmates has the GI Joe Kung Fu Grip.
2. Wrong Way
Yeah 1997 was a different time, but nowadays you’d get your ass kicked for putting this on at a party, let alone requesting this on the radio from a jail cell. The first dozen words in this song are ‘Annie’s twelve years old, in two more she’ll be a whore.” Go ahead and try, but the next time you’re going to hear it is when they’re playing it in court as evidence.
1. Date Rape
What the fuck, dude? Sublime had three studio albums full of bangers, and “Date Rape” is the one you want to request while in jail? ‘But officer, it’s a cautionary tale’—yeah good luck explaining that one, they don’t even play this song on the radio anymore. And don’t expect us to bail you out after this one.