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Terror Fan Buys Dental Insurance In Anticipation of Album Release Show

SAN DIEGO — Local hardcore kid and Terror fan Aidan Bennett purchased a new dental insurance plan yesterday in anticipation of the band’s upcoming release show for their new album, Total Retaliation, local sources confirm.

“I learned my lesson after the last show, when I took a bottle to the face in the pit,” said Bennett, reviewing his coverage plan. “I’m not gonna get caught slipping again… even if these premiums are bullshit.”

The move comes as more and more punks age into scene veterans, forcing them to take stock of their health and ensure their affairs are in order before every show.

“Look, I’m turning 23 next month, and I need to start worrying about my future,” said Bennett, before biting into the king-size Snickers bar he’d bought for dinner. “I won’t be able to handle all those elbows and boots forever. So it’s time to start growing up and taking care of myself — especially my teeth.”

Insurers have identified hardcore shows as one of the leading causes of dental injuries for their constituents, with DIY dental work following close behind. Dr. Sylvia Pittman, DDS admitted her office is already preparing for the aftermath of the Terror show.

“We know this show is going to create a big night for us, so we’ve booked extra staff to stay late and take care of any injuries,” she said, preparing her tools for the night. “I just hope none of these kids pee on the floor, or try wheeling the nitrous tanks out of here, like last time.”

While the risk of injury is exponentially higher at Terror’s album release show, Bennett is positive he’ll be covered in the event of a dental emergency.

“I’m not too worried about getting hurt now, and I definitely won’t be avoiding the pit,” he said confidently. “Plus, I picked the plan with the highest deductible, and I’m pretty sure that means it’s the best one.”

Total Retaliation US tour

9/28 San Diego, CA @ Soma Sidestage

9/29 Berkeley, CA @ Gilman Street

9/30 Los Angeles, CA @ 1720

10/1 Tucson, AZ @ House Of Bards

10/3 San Antonio, TX @ Alamo City Music Hall

10/4 Fort Worth, TX @ Ridgela

10/5 Houston, TX @ Secret Group

10/6 New Orleans, LA @ Howlin’ Wolf

10/7 Atlanta, GA @ 529

10/8 Greensboro, NC @ Blind Tiger

10/9 Louisville, KY @ Riot Skatepark

10/10 Chicago, IL @ Subterranean

10/11 Detroit, MI @ The Sanctuary

10/12 Toronto, ON @ Hard Luck

10/13 Montreal, QC @ Théâtre Fairmount

10/14 Worcester, MA @ The Palladium

10/15 Brooklyn, NY @ Brooklyn Bazaar

10/16 Philadelphia, PA @ Voltage Lounge