ORLANDO, FLa. — Young fans of the legendary Warped Tour are frustrated to find that tickets for the 2025 revival tour are so expensive they will not be able to attend despite having been conceived at the original festival, Gen Z sources confirmed.
“It’s crazy, dude. We’re the first generation to be worse off than our parents. We can’t afford housing, health insurance, even food, and now we can’t afford to get heat stroke in a parking lot while watching a regionally popular ska band,” said Zoey Castille. “My parents nearly missed blink-182’s set because they were busy in their friend’s Toyota Corolla creating life, and I’ll be forced to catch snippets of the event on Reels posted by some 45-year-old stock broker. Corporate greed must end!”
Warped Tour board members cited multiple factors for pricing out their younger fan base, including inflation and not wanting to ruin the vibes.
“This new generation of concert-goers, they don’t understand the etiquette expected of them at a big public arena —they’re throwing Stanley cups at the band’s faces, screaming at the singer to ‘spit in my mouth,’ and they keep mentioning these skibidi toilets. We don’t know what those are, but we will have Port-O-Johns on site,” said Warped Tour High Council member Tabitha Rourke. “It’s a bad look and honestly, we thought it would just be easier to make the tour cost-prohibitive than it would be to teach them how to act around Millennials.”
Members of local band Mercury Retrograde pointed out that the musical acts are facing similar economic hardships.
“I can’t imagine how fans have the money for these tickets. It’s a struggle for us to be able to pay for everything we need to play the tour, travel and food and all that,” said drummer Carson Carr. “Never mind the fact that being a musician pays less than ever before. Most of the Warped Tour lineup either performed on the original and have been famous for 30 years, or have generational wealth. The only reason we can afford to be doing music full time is because my dad was the bassist for The Mighty Mighty Bosstones.”
At press time, Castille was crossing her fingers and anxiously hoping her first Klarna payment went through, though questions about rent next month went unanswered.