FORT WAYNE, Ind. — A recently discovered painting of Leonardo da Vinci’s the lost lower half of “Mona Lisa” depicted the subject wearing JNCO jeans, several snobby sources report.
“I typically get all of my art from the flea market, so when I found this one in a bin that said ‘half off’ I knew I had to jump on it,” Bill Wesley said. “It looked old, and old usually means it’s worth something. I’d say it’s worth at least $35 myself. All I know is, I’m holding out on selling to these fancy art-types until they offer me a sweeter deal than the Mudvayne CD my neighbor proposed to trade for it. Though I have to admit I was close to pulling the trigger on that one.”
Curator at the world famous Louvre Louis Archambault felt like he had to have the painting in his possession.
“No one should ever have to lay their eyes upon this abomination, unless it’s behind glass, in our museum, and you pay us first,” Archambault explained, saying there have been rumors of da Vinci’s nu-metal phase for centuries, but no solid evidence until now. “We speculate that somewhere along the way, someone decided the JNCO jeans on the bottom half of the ‘Mona Lisa’ would tarnish the artist’s legacy, so da Vinci decided to re-paint it. I’d say that was a good move for his career. There’s a reason no one remembers anyone who endorsed JNCOs.”
According to Art historian at the Smithsonian Institute Genevieve Yeung, there have been many works of art tainted by late ’90s trends.
“It’s no surprise most people are unaware of the connection between Renaissance art and questionable modern fashion,” Yeung said. “Most people think JNCOs and other nu-metal apparel were introduced in the late 1900s, but the fact is, nu-metal fashion can be traced back as far as the 14th century. Some say as early as the Paleolithic Era with cave paintings. Not many know this, but Michelangelo’s ‘David’ was originally seen with ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’ arm stockings and a double vertical labret piercing, but many saw them too tasteless to keep them on him.”
At press time, Wesley couldn’t believe his luck when he discovered a painting of da Vinci’s “The Last Supper” with Jesus wearing a backward red baseball cap.