ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Local alternative music fan Devin Entmacher credited his life being saved by art rock band Radiohead despite him actually being rescued by complete stranger Derek Sanders, who has a prominent Imagine Dragons tattoo, sources confirmed.
“I can honestly say that I couldn’t have gotten through that horrific accident where I overdosed and crashed my car into a lake without ‘OK Computer’ playing on repeat. That and I guess the dude that dived in, pulled me out, and swam me to shore, where he administered Narcan. Long story short, Thom Yorke is a savior,” said Entmacher. “But anyway, as I was lying there unresponsive it was like I could hear the avant-garde and transcendent music of Radiohead calling me back to this world. While I was out cold I remember seeing an Imagine Dragons tattoo staring me right in my face for some reason. Not sure what that was all about. I guess angels are into bad pop music.”
Sanders claims Imagine Dragons inspired him to become a paramedic.
“Yeah, I mean it’s not that complicated. The guy needed help and I feel good when I help people. That’s just all part of being a Fire Breather,” said Sanders. “I just love this job. You get to meet all kinds of interesting folks. Like when that ODing guy woke up he was talking about all these things like the symbolism in ‘In Rainbows’ and the metaphors in ‘The King of Limbs.’ I’ve never heard of any of that stuff. People who have near-death experiences say the wildest things.”
Dr. Lauren Dy, who treated Entmacher once he was rushed to a hospital, stressed the importance of Sander’s more mainstream and hasty medical intervention.
“Without a doubt Mr. Sander’s pseudo-Christian and swift actions saved the patient’s life,” said Dr. Dy. “I cannot stress how important the immediate application of naloxone is in these situations. While the barebones, abstruse lyricism of ‘Kid A’ might help a marginal amount during the recovery process, Mr. Entmacher would undoubtedly be dead without the straight-foward, heavy-handed medical attention he received. As we all know, Radiohead hasn’t saved a single life. Modern medicine has.”
At press time, Sanders also revealed that The Cure got him through another difficult time in his life despite him actually getting through it thanks to his trust fund that was set up by his parents who mainly listen to Mozart and Beethoven.