CHICAGO — Local punk Rikki Fedlimid felt remorseful after getting a tattoo of a dog shitting razorblades to show his love for pop punk mainstays Alkaline Trio instead of getting the more popular skull/heart logo, reported numerous sources.
“I didn’t want to be one of the thousands of people with the same exact tattoo,” said Fedlimid while perusing the band’s lyrics for a more tattoo-friendly line. “Everyone I know has that cardiac cranium tattoo that looks like it was drawn by a third grader and I didn’t want to be like anyone else. That’s not punk rock, ya’know? But then when it was time to get something, I panicked and just said the first lyric that popped into my head. It’s a great lyric, but a bad tattoo. And getting it really big and directly on my neck has just made everything worse. This is just like the time I got a tattoo of Glenn Danzig killing a baby instead of just the Misfits skull logo.”
Despite Fedlimid’s reservations, others involved with the tattoo have shared their enthusiasm.
“This might be the pinnacle of my career up until this point,” said Marge Whitnet, the artist behind the tattoo. “I have always been a huge Alkaline Trio fan and have only gotten to copy their logo before this. But with this one I got to stretch my creative muscles and really show my dedication through this design. That’s why, if you look really closely, you can see some incredible detail in the dog’s strained facial expression and shredded asshole. Even one of the razorblades has a striking resemblance to Dan Andriano.”
However, others in the scene have been less enthused by the design.
“It just kind of feels disrespectful,” said Matt Skiba, the vocalist and guitarist for Alkaline Trio. “We have so many better lyrics that they could have chosen. For instance, I would have gone with a couple of bored angels wearing party hats, watching a vintage television set tune to Channel 11 that was broadcasting two flies just fucking the ever-living shit out of each other. That would have been way more meaningful.”
Due to this backlash, Fedlimid has already scheduled another appointment with Whitnet to cover up the tattoo with a less graphic image of Cannibal Corpse’s “Tomb of the Mutilated” album cover.