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Punk Band More Known for Their Work as Line Cooks Rather Than Their Music

PHILADELPHIA — Local punk band Wizard Wrecker are trying to make peace with the fact they are highly regarded for their work as line cooks at local venue Bloody Knuckles, rather than any music they ever made, sources confirmed.

“I can’t say their music is awful because I actually respect awful, it makes you actually feel something,” confessed Alex Bui, booker and GM of the club. “It’s something worse than that: they’re boring. We let them do a show once and people were so tuned out that I saw people using their phones to compare car insurance rates. Taking a Tylenol PM and reading a phone book would be more entertaining than whatever they were doing. But we hired them later when we opened the kitchen. And they make this smashburger that is just transcendent. It tastes like an idea of home you never knew but wish you had when your parents were still together. I know I’m saying this in ethereal terms, but… it really gets to you man.

Lines of customers are regularly outside the club ordering the 9-dollar burger, much to the chagrin of the band that has to serve them.

“I honestly don’t get what the deal is other than a lot of these people are drunk and rowdy,” said lead singer Ben Naramore, looking through the service window. “I mean it’s just meat, cheese and mayo. The irony is this job has made us so much more money and we can finally afford studio time now. But we haven’t played in months because we’re working overtime over here. It’s hard to choose between the two. I mean, we have insurance! How am I supposed to walk away from that?”

This issue with identity is not a new phenomena, according to punk historian Jay Bothwell.

“The band should be happy that they’re known for something somewhat positive, honestly. Other bands have been overshadowed by far less. No one remembers Blocked Shots in Omaha until you bring up the Chevy Suburban their guitarist drove. They couldn’t book a gig, but that SUV helped many great bands move a lot of equipment,” said Bothell. “Then there’s Open Casket in Minneapolis. They were spinning their wheels in the ‘80s until their drummer beat the shit out of Paul Westerburg. Actually, not much changed after that. That was a two-week pop of attention.”

As of press time, Wizard Wrecker announced they already sold out of a new shirt honoring their in-demand burger, while their full-length LP on Soundcloud remains at 14 self-listens.