WINNIPEG, Manitoba — Canadian political punk rockers Propagandhi admitted that they are struggling to write new songs after the death of their creative muse Henry Kissinger, worried friends reported.
“I try to put pen to paper, yet I can’t write anything because now there is no chance that ol’ Hank will ever hear it,” admitted frontman Chris Hannah, who finally took down a portrait of Kissinger taped to a dartboard in the band’s rehearsal space. “Let me be clear—we don’t like Henry Kissinger. In fact, I hope there is an afterlife only so he can be eternally deafened by the millions of voices he silenced while he was on Earth. Maybe Satan has a good sense of humor and will blast ‘Resisting Tyrannical Government’ in his cell for a few millennia. But my god, it’s been hard to work without him.”
Staff at Propagandhi’s current record label Epitaph Records are hoping that the band can find a new muse before long.
“I’m very sympathetic to Propagandhi’s current bout of writer’s block. Bad Religion haven’t even texted each other since the death of Pat Robertson,” said Brett Gurewitz, co-founder of Bad Religion and owner of Epitaph Records. “But we are really hoping to release something soon, so I’ve been signing up Chris, Todd, Jord, and Sulynn for every conservative political campaign newsletter I can find. I’m sure one of these MAGA chuds will be odious enough for the Prop gang to set their sights on. Personally, I’d love for them to write a concept album about Marjorie Taylor Greene.”
Political science experts attempt to explain the complex relationship between imperialist, reactionary politicians and the leftist punk bands who sing about them.
“The bond between punk artists and fascists is inherently parasitic; the former feeds off the latter like a remora on a manta ray. Politicians provide their rage, substance, and raison d’être,” explained Dr. Renee Loer, Dean of Political Sciences at the University of Winnipeg. “Without this antagonistic relationship, you end up with apathetic bands like the Misfits or self-obsessed navel-gazers along the lines of a Sunny Day Real Estate. Great bands, but they never inspired any action beyond rewatching Night of the Living Dead or brooding in the back of a bus with headphones on.”
As of press time, Hannah contacted a hacker to acquire the Spotify history of Henry Kissinger, and it turns out he was more of an Anti-Flag guy.