DES MOINES, Iowa — Newest member of Slipknot Brett Francese found himself struggling to look busy during his first day on the job, sources report.
“I’m actually kind of surprised I got in the band only to be told to hold a clipboard and jot down something every once in a while,” Francese confessed. “I didn’t audition with any instruments. They just asked me if I wanted to join, which I of course accepted. When I got to my first practice session, though, I had no clue what I was supposed to be doing, and nobody else seemed to know either. The guitarist just told me to make it look like I was doing something when the boss Corey Taylor arrived. Luckily, he doesn’t always practice with the band and just stopped by to see how I was progressing, and I think I got away with it. I just hope they find something for me to do soon.”
Guitarist Mick Thomson reflected on the band’s situation.
“First days are always the worst with Slipknot,” Thomson said. “Most of the guys are perfectly fine with the newbies not having anything to do, but Corey can be a real stickler. I gave Brett a baseball bat, keg, and some DJ equipment to play around with in case Corey swung by. I’m glad I did, because Corey showed up very shortly after that, and Brett was just kind of awkwardly headbanging near the gas mask guy. I motioned for him to pick up a baseball bat just in time for Corey to see him, so I don’t think we’ll get in trouble. I’m going to need to find something permanent for him to do, though. Maybe he can be the second bassist.”
Taylor reflected on his visit to the practice session.
“As the singer, I don’t really need to be at every band rehearsal,” Taylor provided. “In fact, it’s better for me to only show up sometimes because it gets so crowded in our practice space. I wanted to check in on our new guy Brett, though, and I was really pleased to see him holding a baseball bat near one of the beer kegs. It’s great that his entrance into the band is going over so smoothly. We have Knotfest starting in a few months, so this couldn’t be more perfectly timed. By then, he’ll be crushing that fucking keg.”
At press time, Francese was relieved that his two-hour orientation would eat up some of his first day downtime.