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New Cure Album Perfect Soundtrack to Burgeoning Dystopian Hellscape

EXETER, N.H. — Longtime fan of The Cure Robin Doucette says the band’s “Songs of a Lost World” is an ideal sonic complement to the world’s descent into a nightmarish wasteland, Doc Martens shod sources confirm.

“Cure fans have been waiting 16 years for a new album, and it’s finally here,” said Doucette in a disaffected monotone while hitting a clove vape. “It really couldn’t have come at a better time. The new album is a return to super-depressing form and is providing a tragically appropriate musical companion for my continued decline into ennui and existential angst while I helplessly witness the forces of darkness consume civilization.”

The Cure’s Robert Smith says the album was delayed due to a lengthy bout of writer’s block, but he eventually found a way forward.

“I realized all I needed to do was turn on Sky News for a bit and suddenly I’d be inspired to write some truly dismal songs,” said Smith as he worked butcher’s wax into his hair. “The incessant stream of dire news helped get me in the headspace to write what some are calling my bleakest songs yet. And if that didn’t work, I would simply doomscroll on X for a few hours to get into a properly grim mood. There’s nothing like watching the rapid rise of far right authoritarianism here and abroad to get the morose juices flowing.”

Leeds College of Music professor Colin Babbage has found that when people perceive the world to be in decline, they often seek solace in sad music.

“You might assume that if someone feels like their very existence is on the brink, they may seek out happy music to make themselves feel better, but that’s not the case,” said Babbage. “Instead, people tend to seek out so-called ‘bummer music’ when they feel down. There have been scientific studies which bear this out. In one study, sleep-deprived lab rats who were kept in isolation obsessively pressed a button which played The Smith’s ‘Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me,’ with few ever opting for the button which played ‘You Can Call Me Al.’”

At press time, Doucette was pleased to report that “Songs of a Lost World” syncs up perfectly with the heart-wrenching 1972 animated film “Watership Down.”