EASTON, Pa. — Art supply company, Crayola, is releasing a new crayon color named “Hammer Smashed Face Red” to coincide with the release of an upcoming coloring book by the band Cannibal Corpse, sources confirmed.
“It’s been such an awesome experience getting to work on this book. We want it to be fun for the entire family and warp the impressionable minds of young children,” said Cannibal Corpse lead singer George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher. “Apparently it’s the first coloring book to ever feature a parental advisory sticker on it. That’s pretty cool. Oh and getting to help create a new Crayola crayon was the best! What a dream! I’m hoping ‘Hammer Smashed Face Red’ is just the start. I could see ‘Meat Hook Sodomy Brown’ and ‘Vomit the Soul Green’ being big hits.”
Philadelphia metalhead, Rodney Fuller, is really looking forward to the release of the book and the “Hammer Smashed Face Red” crayon.
“I am so fucking stoked. Not only will I, a lifelong fan, get to color in Vince Locke’s iconic album covers, I’ll get to do it with my five-year-old son, Jeremy,” said the excited Fuller. “Kids still like to color, right? That’s a thing? Man, it’s hard being a dad. I’ve been really struggling to relate to and spend quality time with my kindergartener. We’re just so different, his music tastes fucking sucks, and not like ‘late-era Metallica’ bad, I’m talking dumb kid’s songs. I’m hoping getting to color in the artwork from ‘Tomb of the Mutilated’ will help bring us more closely together. I can’t wait!”
President of Crayola, James Crew, said the creation of the “Hammer Smashed Face Red” color was a challenging process both creatively and physically.
“What can I say except it’s been an experience,” said Crew. “Our COO is a huge extreme metal fan and thought this would be a fun partnership. The creative team here at Crayola spent weeks pouring over Cannibal Corpse album covers to get the color just right. Unfortunately, staring at the artwork day after day and arriving at the precise ‘Hammer Smashed Face Red’ color took its toll. Members of our team threw up, some even quit. I can confidently say it took a great deal of blood, sweat, tears, and puke to bring this crayon color to market. We hope fans of the band are happy with it because, wow, it was A LOT.”
At press time, Crayola was in talks with Carcass to develop a brand new paint color, “Genital Grinder Beige,” for their soon-to-be-released Reek of Putrefaction paint-by-numbers.
Photo by Markus Felix.