Press "Enter" to skip to content

Neil Young Returns to Spotify After Realizing He Needs a Few Quarters to Feed Parking Meter

LOS ANGELES — Legendary musician Neil Young begrudgingly returned to Spotify after two years when he was short on loose change to feed a parking meter, sources close to the situation confirmed.

“My accountants told me that removing my catalog from the platform for the past two years deprived me of about $38 and I felt that hit earlier today when I tore my SUV apart looking for change to pay for parking so I could run into a coffee shop,” said Young. “I always opted to have my royalties paid in cash. So at the end of every quarter I would get a baggie from Spotify with a crumpled-up dollar bill and an assortment of change that I always kept in my cupholder. It will be nice to have that revenue stream back so I don’t have to worry about this again.”

Young’s financial advisor was instrumental in convincing the Canadian-born musician to put his music back on Spotify.

“Neil has gotten two $60 parking tickets over the past 30 days that could have been avoided if he had his Spotify money. My calculations show that he’s going to have to keep his music on the platform for another 140 years to make up the cost of those tickets,” said Robert Mendez CPA. “This doesn’t even take into account all the times Neil has been stuck at a red light and a homeless person asks for change. Neil is typically a generous man so he would normally toss some money their way, but now he has nothing to give. He’s forced to awkwardly roll up his window and avoid eye contact.”

Spotify CEO Daniel Ek says Young is just one example of the millions of artists Spotify supports.

“I get messages all the time from musicians thanking me for providing them with a platform to spread their music and get paid. I got an email from Calvin Harris thanking me because his Spotify payments allowed him to do nearly all his laundry at a coin-operated laundromat,” said Ek. “And Billie Eilish posted a video of herself using one of those coin funnels at the mall and she was having the time of her life. Without Spotify she would never have had loose change just sitting around. Seeing her smile as the coin was spinning really fast towards the bottom of the funnel makes all of this worth it.”

At press time, Young announced he would be spending a portion of his first royalty payment on a temporary skull tattoo from a vending machine near the entrance of his local supermarket.