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Lyft Ride Perfect Opportunity for Local Man to Enjoy Limp Bizkit’s “Rollin'” Without Judgment

KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Local bartender Marty Craig allowed himself to enjoy the Limp Bizkit classic “Rollin’” in its entirety last night without a tinge of irony and completely free of judgment, thanks to the charm of his Lyft driver’s nü-metal satellite radio station.

“I really don’t know what came over me,” answered Craig, reacting to the dashboard surveillance footage taken from the driver’s phone that night. “I’d just got off of work and this guy was playing P.O.D.’s “Alive,” and in my head, I’m like, ‘My fucking God, am I in middle school?’ And after a few minutes, I was done for — my head was bobbing, and I was doing that dance they did in the video like I was driving a giant steering wheel. I think at one point I punched the roof of the dude’s Kia Sorento.”

A visibly embarrassed Craig did his best to own his behavior, while downplaying it at the same time.

“Once it happened, I was caught in a whirlwind,” Craig admitted. “All of a sudden, it’s the year 2000, I’m 13 again, I’m watching ‘TRL,’ I’m watching ‘Smackdown,’ the Undertaker’s coming out on his motorcycle…” Craig paused and added, “I needed that. But that was enough. I don’t need to go back to that for a while.”

Lyft driver Brandon Russo didn’t have much to say, but felt grateful to provide a positive experience.

“We really didn’t speak much,” said Russo. “He seemed a little on-edge when he got in, so I really didn’t pry. A few minutes later, he was rocking back and forth, singing, ‘Now I know why y’all be lovin’ this shit right here!’ and I couldn’t tell if he was gonna cry or not. But he seemed happy. I was glad to help him along. He had a real spring in his step as he walked up to his front door, and he gave me a five-star review.”

Lyft Spokesperson Nadine Henderson believes her company offers a safe space for passengers and drivers alike to express themselves.

“We at Lyft are delighted to hear of Marty’s incredible and empowering experience and wish him all the best,” said Henderson. “We are committed every day to providing our customers with not only the finest and safest transportation, but the safest of environments in which to put their worries down for the ride and be the best version of themselves without judgment, because, ‘If you don’t care, then we don’t care.’”