LAS VEGAS — Local baker Phillip Throgmorton watched in horror as a beautiful cake he had worked on for hours was carelessly thrown into the face of a popular influencer by renown DJ Steve Aoki, sources close to the incident report.
“I just can’t believe I worked three hours on that masterpiece,” said a devastated Throgmorton, who was standing outside of Omnia Nightclub in Caesars Palace. “When I received the order, I had figured it was the birthday of one of the nightclub employees or something. The manager included a free pass to get in tonight, and I was so excited to see my work lit up with candles and enjoyed by the staff. Instead, I see this doofus on stage pick up the damn thing and throw it like a football into the face of some poor girl who probably had her night ruined. His precision was highly impressive though.”
Social media influencer Savannah Desmond couldn’t be more excited to be covered in sugary ingredients.
“Best night of my life! Vegas, baby!” said Desmond, in between selfies and scooping cake out of her bikini top. “I spent hours making a sign asking Steve to throw a cake my way and I’m so stoked he saw it. The engagement on my post is at an all-time high and this is a huge moment for my personal brand! Steve even put my post in his Instagram story too. The only thing that could’ve made this night better is if this cake was less dry. It’s going to take weeks to get this fully out of my hair.”
Venue security appeared to side with Aoki.
“I’ve worked this show in the past, but tonight was definitely different,” explained Head of Omnia Security Kevin Stolz. “We knew it was about time for him to start throwing the desserts, which is when you really need all hands on deck. Everybody starts swarming to the front to hopefully get a piece of the action, no pun intended. But all of a sudden we saw this man in a baker’s apron hop the security rail, storming the stage and talking about his hard work going down the drain. We decided it was in the best interest if we removed him from the show and roughed him up a bit in the meantime. No one stops Steve from hurling delicious treats at the audience. No one.”
At press time, Throgmorton revealed that he was also a former watermelon farmer, who switched careers after watching a Gallagher special from the ‘80s.