NEW YORK – Juror number 6 in Trump’s hush money case admitted to being completely baffled as to where he recognized former adult porn star Stormy Daniels from after she took the stand to testify, multiple other jurors confirmed.
“I just couldn’t place it. Maybe she was my friend’s stepsister? Or the school librarian?” Juror number 6 says regarding the AVN Hall of Fame inductee. “Something about her face is just so familiar- at first I thought it might have been because she looked just like my mom, but as soon as she spoke, I realized I’d definitely heard her voice somewhere before. For some reason, I felt like maybe she had been something like an RA in college? But I went to community college. I won’t let this have an effect on the verdict, but I’m looking forward to Googling her name when I get back to the hotel tonight to solve this mystery.”
Daniels reported that this isn’t the first instance she has puzzled people with her appearance.
“Oh yeah, people are always coming up to me asking if maybe I was their substitute teacher, a babysitter, secretary, or just your standard sexy therapist,” said Daniels. “I just tell them yes, I don’t want to embarrass them especially if they are with their girlfriend or their kids. They usually thank me, which feels so good. This trial is such a damper on everything, it’s always nice to know that I’ve had a positive impact on people’s lives.”
The court stenographer, Marge Derrickson, was a completely different case.
“I was absolutely starstruck when I saw Stormy enter the courtroom, I almost couldn’t keep it together,” said Derrickson, who’s words-per-minute decreased to a disappointing 800, when her favorite celebrity came into the room. “I know all the starlets from the ‘80s to the mid-2000s, but the internet made it hard to keep up. I’m old fashioned, I like my tapes and DVDs. But Stormy brought something brand new to the industry that was unforgettable, if I wasn’t on the job I would ask her to sign my copy of ‘Spreading My Seed.’ I had to tell my grandkids that was a gardening video so they didn’t try watching it.”
At press time, Juror number 6 stepped out to call his wife and ask if her sister had dyed her hair blonde.
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