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Indie Band With One Unnecessary and Weird Instrument Wishes It Was Still 2004

BALTIMORE — Members of indie rock band My Word, Countess!, a group most famous for their incorporation of a French horn player, admitted that they wish it was still 2004, sources close to the band confirmed.

“Back in the day, people used to get so excited when I would bust out ‘the brass ax,’” said French horn player Alyssa Bartlett. “But now we show up and everyone just writes it off as some kind of gimmick. Plus, it was super nice getting to a gig and knowing I would get to talk to someone who played zither or vibraphone or didgeridoo instead of the usual lineup of guitarists asking about pedals and drummers asking about the best DUI lawyers. I miss knowing there would be someone at the gig who would have my back.”

The other members of My Word, Countess! who play more traditional instruments share this same sense of nostalgia.

“It used to be such a massive boost for our band. Vice was basically following us around like we were the Beatles, there was nothing else like it. Spike Jonze originally asked us to provide songs for ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ but he said the songs were so good they distracted from the movie,” said drummer Lana Moses. “But now the horn is just sort of annoying. Alyssa looks absolutely ridiculous in every promo photo, it’s impossible to fit the weird-shaped case in the tour van, and there isn’t a single sound guy in town who knows how to mic that thing. It frankly just doesn’t seem worth the headache anymore.”

However, some in the music business feel quite excited about this trend continuing to drift further into the past.

“There was a good four or five years where we couldn’t get anyone to join and stay in our philharmonic family,” said Tanner McKee, the in-house conductor for the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra. “It feels like every single one of our players went through a phase where they were too busy playing with some Canadian indie rock band with 17 members to play the classics. But thankfully, most of them have remembered their place and have come crawling back.”

At press time, Bartlett stated that she would only spend the next “three or so” years waiting for the 20-year trend cycle to turn in her favor, if this shift does not materialize, she claims she will start applying to grad school.