I know it’s been a while since we last talked, but I wanted to give you a heads up before it comes back to you. I ran into your boyfriend Brandon last night at a party. Everything was going well, I was just chatting with him about “The Golden Bachelor” and how gross it is to think that these old people are going to be banging each other. He mentioned that he was considering going on a dating show before he met his girlfriend, you.
I was excited. I met a boyfriend of an old friend, that’s a fun party event. So I tell Brandon I knew you when you were young and take out my phone to show him a picture of the last time we were together. Huge mistake. I showed him some pics of us on that Mississippi booze cruise from a few years back. I’m scrolling through and then he insists I go back. I thought ‘Oh no I showed him a picture of his GF with her ex, awkward,’ but he really freaked out. He zoomed in on your ex’s face and kept saying “I knew it!” over and over.
Dude is straight freaking out for reasons unknown. I asked what was wrong, and he told me that your ex looks exactly like an ex he had last February. I really don’t know what the big deal was. Lots of people look similar, people tell me I look like John Cena, which I’m still not sure is a compliment or insult. I guess he was mad at human facial recognition patterns. Or maybe you two happened to date a set of fraternal twins.
I apologized for showing him the pictures. “I’m sorry man, I didn’t realize this whole thing was confidential.” That really set him off. He started rushing and rushing around in tiny circles while muttering the word ‘confidential’ to himself. I went over to the punch bowl for a refill, and then I heard him screaming, not shouting but screaming, “It’s NOT confidential, I’ve got potential!”
No one doubts that your boyfriend has potential, but I think he has some pretty serious self-esteem issues.