DENVER — Jay Park from Jamiroquai was seen taking up the entire moving walkway at the Denver International Airport, leading to many frustrated customers rushing to get to their flights, sources confirmed.
“Somehow using this moving walkway takes longer than the immobile floors,” said Anya Robertson while rushing to her flight. “I like the ‘Virtual Insanity’ music video as much as the next guy. You know what else I like? Getting to my plane on time. I had ten minutes to get to my next flight. Now I have a three-hour layover before I can get home because that guy won’t stop doing his weird moonwalk dance-thing up and down the walkway and knocking everyone’s carry-on bags out of their hands. At this point, I just want to see what’s under that enormous hat.”
Park had reportedly been there for hours practicing his choreography.
“I’m sorry, but this is the only way I can prepare for upcoming tours. You can’t just buy 500-foot moving walkways at Home Depot as one might think,” said the longtime singer and lead dancer of Jamiroquai. “I don’t see what the big deal is either. I’m just practicing my dance moves for a short three hours, and I brought some living room furniture and live cockroaches from home to fully immerse myself in the experience. After this, I’m going to treat myself to a Cinnabon and call it a day.”
Airport security guard Dustin Smith revealed that this was a regular occurrence on the moving walkway.
“This happens every goddamn time he’s in town,” said Smith. “I keep telling the people at the checkpoint to not let him in, and he keeps getting in anyway. We tried asking him to please stop dancing, but he doesn’t seem to register that we’re there. Then we tried catching him, but he’s a lot more nimble than he looks. Every time we get close to grabbing him, he just moves right out of our reach. We have elderly here. We have people with disabilities here. There are a lot of people who could really use that walkway. Does he even have a flight scheduled?”
At press time, multiple planes reportedly delayed their departure times so passengers affected by Park’s interference will have time to board.