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Guidance Counselor Suggests Students Check Out His Ska Band

PITTSBURGH — Greenwood High School Guidance Counselor Ben Harkins is facing allegations of promoting his newly formed ska band to students instead of providing information on college and career opportunities, prompting concerns among parents and school administrators.

“As a guidance counselor, I need to stay connected with the interests of the youth. No one wants to be counseled by someone stuck in the classic rock era. That’s why I started ‘The SKAlers,’ knowing it would resonate with the students. Kids love ska,” said Harkins from his office near the cafeteria. “Some parents don’t see the value of ska, but its multicultural elements offer more than what students might get in those so-called social studies classes. How could I not invite them to our all-ages show at the Greenwood Community Center on Friday night? Would you like a flier?”

While Harkins’ intentions appear to be innocent, Student President Dawn Gaviette believes that discussions about ska should be moderated.

“I used to appreciate Mr. Harkins; he was considered one of the more approachable faculty members. However, since he started his Ska band, it’s become the sole topic of conversation, and it’s noticeably changed his demeanor. The other day, I went into his office to discuss my SAT scores, and he was wearing a fedora. How am I supposed to take a guy in a fedora seriously?” said Gaviette. “When I asked him about potential career paths, he began discussing how Gwen Stefani wasn’t into ska when No Doubt first started. I’m not sure how that relates to my career plans, and honestly, I’m questioning if No Doubt even qualifies as a ska band.”

As concerns from students and parents increase, GHS Principal Dr. Sam Whitley urges everyone to stay calm and assures that he has the situation under control.

“As an administrator, I’ve always encouraged my teachers to have outside interests that enrich their relationships with students, but there’s a time and place for everything, I had to draw the line at Mr. Harkins’ suggestion to incorporate ‘skanking’ into our P.E. program,” said Dr. Whitley. “After discussing the significant student complaints and the walkout triggered by the Ska talk, we reached a mutual understanding. If you’d like to discuss this further, join me at Roscoe’s Bar on Saturday night, where I spin Rockabilly vinyl.”

Harkins was maybe available for further comments, but he was in a heated debate with another guy about the 4th wave, and we didn’t want to deal with that.