WORCESTER, Mass. – Local graphic designer Jamie O’Connor, is reportedly saving a new file as “Bane Flyer FINAL FINAL.psd” and sending it to the members of Bane, as they announce their new last show of all time, uncertain sources confirmed.
“Every graphic designer knows the curse of naming a file ‘FINAL.’ When Bane asked me to design a flyer for their last final reunion show in 2021, I remember saving the file as ‘Bane Flyer FINAL.psd.’ So honestly, this one’s on me. Had I just called it ‘Bane Flyer R12.psd,’ or something like that, this would have never happened.” said O’Connor while digging his “Give Blood” CD out of storage. “We could have said our last emotional goodbyes and laid our hoodies to rest. But hey, the extra 50 bucks won’t hurt. So I’m just going call this one ‘FINAL FINAL’ and ship it.”
Bane’s bassist James Siboni believes this is just a misunderstanding.
“In the hardcore scene the word ‘final’ is more of a placeholder. Sure, we played our final show in Philly and then our final show in Worcester. We never said we played our final show in Boston,” said Siboni. “Well, I may need to check my notes on that. But still, what are you complaining about? You still love us and can finally afford parking. We’re bored, and rent is going up. This ‘final final’ show is a win-win for everyone.”
Curtis Moran, local scene legend and self-reported ‘hardcore expert,’ is not surprised.
“Don’t tell me you’re shocked by this ‘final final’ show business! This is just the beginning. This is the part where it’s still mostly the original members, and everyone is feeling a bit restless. We haven’t even gotten to the part where the original members are all gone, and the new guys don’t even own the rights to the name, so start forming bands like ‘Bane A.D.,'” said Moran. “You ever hear about the ‘Ship of Zao?’ It’s a fun little thought experiment I came up with. Does a band without any of its original members remain the same band? No one cares, you keep buying tickets!”
At press time, the band was rehearsing their new emotional new closer, “Can We End Again.”