ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local doom metal aficionado Matt Galloway admitted he prefers to listen to podcasts at a mind-numbing .05x speed setting, confirmed bewildered and aggravated sources.
“I like my podcasts the way I like my metal, extremely long and borderline unlistenable for normies,” Galloway confirmed while tending to his pet boa constrictor’s terrarium. “I just love that when you slow anything down enough, it gets that hypnotic, devil-worshiping, sludgy sound. The only downside is it takes me a really, really long to get through a show. Like, I’m still on episode 2 of ‘WTF’ and it’s been days since I started. Does that Maron guy ever stop complaining?”
Although many podcast listeners increase the playback speed to 1.5x or faster to allow them to move more quickly through episodes, Galloway and other doom and stoner metal fans have the exact opposite impulse.
“At first I thought it was crazy and annoying as hell,” Galloway’s roommate and fellow metalhead Mark Atkinson explained as he polished their apartment’s nunchuck rack. “I didn’t even know you could go that slow, so I think he must have hacked it or something. But, I gotta say, it makes everything sound heavy as fuck. It’s pretty sick, especially after a few bong rips. The other day we were on the couch headbanging in slow motion before we realized we were listening to Terry Gross doing an ad read for Casper mattresses.”
Although many would find listening to a podcast at such a slow speed rather excruciating, media experts believe it’s just another way for fans to engage with the material on their own terms.
“It makes sense that people listen to podcasts in ways that reflect their musical taste,” noted Janet Liu, culture reporter for “The New Yorker.” “I’ve heard other examples of the same phenomenon. For example, fans of early Glassjaw and Senses Fail loved the first season of ‘Serial’ because it was all about killing your ex-girlfriend. And Phish heads love those improv comedy podcasts that would obviously be so much better if they were half as long and if they just wrote the jokes out beforehand.”
As of press time, Galloway was stocking his pantry with canned goods in preparation for listening to an entire episode of “The Joe Rogan Experience.”