NEW YORK — Metal frontman and former singer of Twisted Sister Dee Snider celebrated four decades of being seen as a metal icon for no discernible reason, sources confirmed.
“Ever since I testified before the Parents Music Resource Center in 1985, I’ve taken the metal world completely by storm,” Snider reported. “I love that there’s rarely a documentary or book about metal music that doesn’t have me expressing my opinion in some shape or form. Everybody knows that Twisted Sister is one of the best and most prolific metal bands of all time, not to mention my storied solo career, so it makes total sense. Honestly, all metalheads should consider themselves lucky that I’m constantly on the sidelines providing my opinion on their favorite genre.”
Metalhead Christy Alaiya seemed confused about Snider’s constant presence.
“I never really understood why that guy is featured in fucking everything dealing with metal,” Alaiya complained. “He was in a two-hit wonder glam band in the eighties, so why the hell do I see him in interviews talking about how Cannibal Corpse’s music ‘took it a little too far for him’ and complaining about how he doesn’t like death metal vocals? Who cares? I mean, the cover of Iron Maiden’s ‘Wasted Years’ he was on a while back was alright, but I’d much rather hear the original. I tried to listen to Twisted Sister’s ‘Come Out and Play’ once, and I just couldn’t do it. If we’re going to have boomer metal representation, give me King Diamond or Tom Warrior any day of the week. Hell, I’d take Dave Mustaine’s opinion over Dee Snider’s. At least the music he released in the eighties was good.”
Metal historian Bertrand Tevis provided his expertise on the matter.
“So-called ‘representatives’ of metal music are often seen as such for unclear reasons,” Tevis offered. “In my opinion, VH1 has historically been the largest reason for this. One need only watch their laughable metal documentary series from the mid-2000s, or ‘That Metal Show’ to understand where I’m coming from. Thanks to these, metalheads were subjected to completely extraneous opinions held by people like Chris Jericho and Eddie Trunk, and people with a passing interest in metal now think it died out completely in the nineties.”
At press time, KISS was seen celebrating their career of inexplicably being seen by so many as one of the best metal bands in history.