NASHVILLE — Country songwriting newcomer Bill “Ribeye” Jackson unveiled a new track that reportedly had completely inverted the dominant paradigm of down-home narratives about dirt roads, cold Coors Light, and pretty blonde gals whose mama raised ‘em right, confirmed sources.
“In the hands of lesser performers, dirt roads are just a simple stand-in for small town simplicity and the idea that communities with populations greater than 5,000 are weird and scary,” said Jackson. “But hoo boy, you’d better believe listeners are going to love my first hit about how the federal government ought to descend upon small towns to pave over those dirt roads in order to encourage commercial investment. No more four-wheelin’ and country cruisin’, boys. In my quaint fantasy world, the best way to connect with your rough-around-the-edges buddies involves non-profit social justice collectives and enjoying a few warm Coors Lights that have been sitting out in the sun for a while.”
Country performer Jeff McCoomb expressed enthusiasm for Jackson’s groundbreaking approach.
“All the bigshots who get radio play and platinum records these days just seem to want to chug cans of cheap domestic beer and drive out to the edge of town with their buddies. I don’t know if my esteemed colleagues know this, but impaired vehicle operation is illegal,” said McCoomb. “Well, after a nasty bidding war, my manager just bought the rights to Jackson’s newest song, which will provide an important corrective to such recklessness by telling the tale of a rowdy young man who does some serious soul-searching after downing a 12-pack, plowing into a family of four, and getting off with just probation because his daddy plays poker with the local prosecutor.”
Record producer Jimmy “Ace” Brennan expressed similar approval of Jackson’s characterization of women.
“Instead of cowboy boots, Daisy Dukes, and an old checkered shirt tied just right to show what God gave her, the girl in Ribeye’s newest song wears a tastefully tailored business suit to prepare for her admissions interview at Oberlin. The song’s narrator will rethink his casual objectification of women when she comes home for Thanksgiving break and introduces him to the work of feminist academic luminaries like bell hooks and Joan Copjec,” said Brennan. “We all know that modern country music fans crave variety in their music, and a song like this will really challenge them to think about a new perspective on what women are capable of.”
At press time, Jackson was putting the finishing touches on a new track about how, although a very small percentage of folks on food and housing assistance might be working the system, a comprehensive social safety net is exactly what Jesus would have wanted.