LOS ANGELES — Veteran Los Angeles Police Officer Sergeant David Lancaster came forward as the inspiration for Rage Against the Machine’s 1992 hit, “Killing in the Name,” utterly unsurprised sources confirmed.
“I was at the bar and got stuck listening to some broad talk about how she wished Taylor Swift would do a song about her, so I thought I might be able to impress her with my little secret,” boasted Sergeant Lancaster. “A while back my Lieutenant had me handle security at a Klan rally in case any commies showed up to complain. He thought I’d be good since I knew all the guys throwing the event from around the precinct. Just as I was about to kick off the ceremonial cross burning some kid started yelling at me about being a racist, I grabbed my baton and started swinging. Well, it turns out that kid was the punk-ass singer of Rage Against the Machine and the rest is history.”
Rage Against the Machine continues to reach new fans decades after their formation, some of whom hope to inspire the band as well.
“Had I not discovered ‘Evil Empire,’ I never would’ve become a venture capitalist,” remarked Silicon Valley finance bro Tad Halverson. I was struggling to find purpose until I heard ‘Down Rodeo.’ I mean, ‘fuck the g-ride, I want the machines that are making them’ are lyrics that really slap, you know? And shit, that other song that goes, ‘I’ll jail and bury those committed and smother the rest in greed,’ makes clear that Zach and the guys really understand a courageous entrepreneur’s spirit. Speaking of, I’m pitching Elon on an idea that I really hope gets mentioned on the next Rage album. It’s that good!”
Band members seemed glad their music remained part of social discourse but struggled to understand how some fans were connecting with it.
“I guess we need to stop being so ambiguous with our image and message,” said guitarist Tom Morello. “Zach actually wanted to call the band ‘Cops and Capitalism Will Fucking Kill Us,’ but the rest of us said we didn’t need to overstate the obvious, but I’m starting to regret that. Only a small handful of people seem to actually understand the messages behind the lyrics, most just blast the songs in their Jeep while driving drunk.”
Sergeant Lancaster spent the next few hours at the bar explaining the differences between the Nazi and KKK salutes.