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Chris Carrabba Goes on “Undercover Boss” to Meet Rest of Dashboard Confessional

BOCA RATON, Fla. — Dashboard Confessional frontman Chris Carrabba will don a disguise and hang out with the rest of his band on an upcoming episode of the CBS reality show “Undercover Boss,” confirmed shocked sources.

“I was so excited for this chance to get to know some of my employees, uh, I mean bandmates,” Carrabba explained while simultaneously scribbling furiously into a diary and staring into a mirror without blinking. “You might know me as Dashboard Confessional’s lead singer, rhythm guitarist, and the only member allowed on the tour bus. But, more importantly, I’m also the band’s CEO. I went on ‘Undercover Boss’ because these guys, they’re doin’ a hell of a job back there and I wanted to give them a pat on the back. And also fire their asses if they talk shit about my new fedora!”

Although Carrabba was thrilled to appear on CBS’s long-running primetime series, the other members of Dashboard Confessional were confused by the arrangement.

“I found it shocking that he apparently doesn’t know who I am, considering I’ve been in the band since 2003,” opined bassist Scott Schoenbeck. “If he really wants to meet us, I wish he did it as himself and without all this bullshit. We all knew it was Chris with that fake mustache pretending to be a VH1 intern. It was pretty obvious considering he spent the entire time talking about how Dashboard has such incredible vocals and lyrics, but that the lead guitar, bass, and drums are mixed too loudly on the records. If he wanted to hide his identity, he should’ve at least taken that ridiculous hat off.”

Although the episode has yet to air, CBS is reportedly pleased with it and eager to invite more bands to appear on the show.

“Chris makes for absolutely riveting television,” exclaimed “Undercover Boss” executive producer Murray Weiner. “Most of the bosses who come on the show are on their best behavior, so it was refreshingly authentic to have this little pretty man come on and berate his drummer for drinking one of his LaCroix. We definitely want to have other frontmen on the show. We’d love to introduce Adam Levine to Maroon 5, for example. Even better, we could bring Trent Reznor to the factory where they built his touring lineup!”

As of press time, news of Carrabba’s appearance had prompted the band The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus to confirm they will be on an upcoming episode of “Naked and Afraid.”