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Breaking: Scientists Detect Presence of a Different Mazzy Star Song

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. – Scientists at the Kalvi Institute for Astrophysics and Space Research recently made an unexpected discovery: a Mazzy Star song that wasn’t the one you slow danced to during your eighth-grade semiformal.

“I found it by accident, actually,” said Research Associate, Lisa Brown. “I was looking at some reels on my phone and I saw two seconds of a Mazzy Star video that didn’t appear to be ‘Fade Into You.’ I brought this up during our weekly planning meeting and everyone got very excited. We immediately tried to detect the occurrence again using our extensive parabolic antenna collection, but couldn’t get any signal. I know this wasn’t a fluke, and if another Mazzy Star song exists in the galaxy, our equipment will pick it up eventually. We just have to be patient.”

Hope Sandoval was the voice of Mazzy Star and looks back fondly on the band’s success with “Fade Into You.”

“Yeah, we actually had four records and recorded dozens of other songs,” Sandoval said while clutching her stomach and swaying slightly. “All anyone seems to remember is ‘Fade Into You,’ which we’re grateful for, but really, we had a lot of other music. For some reason, no one seems to believe me when I tell them this. I’ve played physical records for people to prove it, but they just zone out and say something like ‘I’ll just have to take your word for it.’ They only want to believe in that one song they used to make out to when they were fourteen.”

National Science Foundation Chief of Staff, Neil Peterson states that the organization plans on awarding the Kalvi Institute with a generous grant for its work on the Mazzy Star Finder project.

“We’re all obviously very excited about the research being done at the Kalvi Institute,” said Peterson. “For nearly three decades we’ve believed there was only one Mazzy Star song available. The thought of finding a new one, or possibly several others within our lifetime, is a very compelling idea. This discovery could have massive implications for our civilization, particularly on Gen Xers’ sex playlists. That is why we’re awarding the lab with this five million dollar grant.”

At press time, the Kalvi Institute detected what they believed might be a new Mazzy Star song, but it turned out to be just some leftover reverb from “Fade Into You.”