NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Continuous go-getter Henry Rollins recently employed the services of a TaskRabbit professional to ask him questions about his varied projects and interests in order to kill a few spare hours on a rainy Thursday, well-spoken sources confirmed.
“I’m always the most comfortable when I’m working — but sometimes if the work isn’t there, you have to create the work for yourself,” began Rollins while researching how to test for a commercial airline pilot’s license. “So while I found myself with a little free time I figured why not knock out some interview questions about my favorite albums and which third-world countries I found most charming. Fortunately, TaskRabbit was able to deliver a real pro to help me make it happen. Plus, while he was here I had him alphabetize my 7” collection.”
Andrew Fitzsimmons, who often uses the app to make a few extra dollars, detailed his experience interviewing Rollins.
“Most of what I do for TaskRabbit is pretty pedestrian, like assembling Ikea furniture or helping old people fix their WiFi. I really don’t have any experience interviewing someone about the pitfalls of touring in the midwest. I asked him if this was for a podcast or a documentary and then he lectured me for two hours about how capitalism and art are diametrically opposed” Fitzsimmons stated. “Still though, it was cool to break up the routine a bit, and Rollins was super nice — though he did tip me with a vinyl copy of one of his spoken-word albums. Do you think I could resell this thing on Facebook Marketplace?”
Penny Doleful, who runs Dungeons & Dragons campaigns in an assisted living facility, gave their perspective on the issue of boredom and aging.
“The elderly aren’t always able to do all of the things they used to love, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t deeply affected by a lack of mental stimulation. So by whatever methods are available, it’s important to have options to keep them occupied,” said Doleful. “That’s why I started DMing DnD campaigns for the old folks who live in this home. It’s a deeply immersive activity that no one will ever truly understand how it all works. That really drives engagement right up until the second when it’s time to finally pull the plug!”
At press time, Rollins was reportedly writing a screenplay about a tough-as-nail detective named “Renry Hollins” who solves crimes by rifling through victims’ record collections to find clues.