EAU CLAIRE, Wisc. — Justin Vernon surprised fans by announcing the next highly anticipated Bon Iver release will only be available via carrier pigeon delivery, sources confirmed.
“Buying and discovering music used to be a beautiful thing. For the next record I wanted to deliver a bespoke, personal experience that’s also aligned with our aesthetic. Obviously, the best way to do this is to have it exclusively delivered by hundreds of trained carrier pigeons,” said Vernon. “The new album is about reconnecting with nature, and it would go against the spirit of the music to have it tossed at one’s front door by an ambivalent FedEx driver. Pigeons are truly one of the few loyal and true creatures, and I think we can trust them to deliver vinyl within a 700-mile radius of the Great Lakes.”
Fans who have preordered the album were intrigued but concerned by the logistics.
“I should’ve known there was a catch when that grizzled Western Union telegram guy arrived on horseback with a message that Bon Iver was dropping the new album via birdmail. I live in a 60 apartment complex, how the hell is it supposed to find me? I wonder if the building manager will install a pigeon coop,” said Emma Deal. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m very much looking forward to the album, but I have so many questions. Like, do I get to keep the pigeon and the vinyl? I tried contacting customer service, but all I found was a telegram line.”
Label reps from Jagjaguwar supported Vernon’s vision, as it aligned with other unique delivery methods.
“Is this practical? Hell no, but damn does it get people talking about the album and builds the band’s mythos. Bon Iver is one of our biggest artists so if we need to spend a little extra money upfront converting the pressing factory into a birdhouse, so be it,” said A&R rep Don Olivieri. “It’s not like we haven’t had artists think way outside the box before. I remember Angel Olsen coming to me about beaming ‘Big Time’ into the listener’s subconscious via an ethereal ray of light, and she knocked it out of the park. Turns out there are quite a lot of consumers out there who want to consume music without using Spotify.”
Bon Iver also announced the record’s special edition will ship next year via a peregrine falcon trained by Vernon himself.