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Black Metal Book Club on Twelfth Re-Read of “The Lord of the Rings”

EUGENE, Ore. — Local black metal-themed book club Readers Morgul recently started their twelfth re-read of J.R.R. Tolkien’s classic “The Lord of the Rings,” sources who have no interest in broadening their horizons report.

“There’s just so much lore packed into these books that you could read them dozens, probably hundreds of dozens of times and discover something new, so no, we are not sick of them,” said club organizer John “Bloodmoon” Banks. “We did have to set a few ground rules though. For starters, no one is allowed to say ‘Gorgoroth’ anymore when discussing the books because it would always start arguments about the band. We are just finishing ‘The Fellowship’ so next week is our bi-annual ‘Hobbit’ feast if you want to come.”

While local librarian Carol Decker insists the group is welcome to continue utilizing their meeting room, she does wish they’d try reading something else.

“They all seem like nice young men even though they paint their faces and dress funny,” said Decker while begrudgingly listening to a Darkthrone album one of the members gifted her. “I keep suggesting other books to them but they have no interest. I wouldn’t mind but all of our copies of ‘The Lord of The Rings’ are constantly being reserved and there’s currently a waitlist of about five years. I don’t understand why they just don’t buy their own copies if they like it so much. I feel bad for the kids who want to read them for the first time. This is the third year in a row I’ve had to scrap them from the Summer reading list.”

Word of Readers Morgul has even reached the Tolkien estate.

“While we are flattered that the series has had such a profound effect on that particular book club, we do respectfully request that they maybe expand their scope, like maybe read ‘The Silmarillion’ or ‘Beren and Lúthien,’” said representative Stephen Vesper. “This doesn’t have to do with politics, or controversy surrounding parts of the black metal scene, or anything like that; it’s just that we believe Frodo Baggins would have been more into stoner doom. Also, re-reading the same book over and over again is kinda pointless.”

At press time, the members of Readers Morgul were arguing over whether the Ents would be more into first or second wave black metal.