LOS ANGELES — Members of Weezer expressed increasing annoyance towards lead singer Rivers Cuomo due to his insistence on referring to their tour bus as the “Weezermobile,” sources within the tour have confirmed.
“It’s all he ever talks about and we don’t know how to make him stop. I’d rather walk to the venue than have to cram in the front wit the rest of the guys, pretending we’re taking off in the Millennium Falcon yelling ‘Weezermobile, go forth!’ again. We love Rivers like a brother, but it has to stop,” said drummer Patrick Wilson. “I bit my tongue over the nine months he only wore the cowboy hat and mustache getup from Red Album, but needs to understand the bus is where we sleep and shit on the road and not some mystic bard vessel powered by the spirit of music. The guys from Dinosaur Jr. won’t even come near us in the parking lot anymore.”
Cuomo was convinced his enthusiasm would eventually rub off on the rest of the band.
“Alas, my brethren are yet to be true believers. Destiny brought this Newell P50 into our lives, and by God are we going to make the most of it. Once we install the wacky POMO interior and get the exhaust to shoot out bubbles they’ll embrace this fantastical starship of dreams,” said an enthusiastic and clueless Cuomo. “We’re gonna drive the Weezermobile around the country, playing festivals and solving mysteries with the power of rock and roll. Once the matching jumpsuits arrive the guys will truly understand my vision because we’re fooooour beeeeest frieeeeends!”
Weezer’s transportation manager privately told the band to just let Rivers’ obsession run its course.
“The guys are stressed dealing with this and trying to put on a show, but this’ll pass. Creative types sometimes go cuckoo when they’re on the road too long and they take the bonds of friendship a little too far. We call it going ‘full Partridge Family’ in the business,” said a weary Marco Bianchi. “I once worked on Pearl Jam’s bus in ‘98, and they only had one big bed and they all slept in together with matching pajamas. You either let it run its course or you sleep in the lighting truck.”
Later, the band could only look on in horror as Rivers unveiled the bus’ new paint job with “Weezermobile” and all four of their faces airbrushed on its side.