MANHATTAN BEACH, Calif. — Unbearable conservative Doug Tannenburg told Descendents logo Milo that he should have chosen trade school instead of going to college in the ‘80s, confirmed irritated sources.
“College is nothing but a liberal breeding ground where George Soros teaches you about communism and pansexual orgies,” said Tannenburg. “That’s why everyone, including cartoon mascots on famous punk albums, should go to trade school where you can learn how to be a plumber, blacksmith, or dishwasher. I can’t believe anyone would want to spend that kind of money on a liberal arts degree when they could spend a fraction of the cost and learn how to hammer a nail or use a measuring tape. At least that’s what I think they do there. I don’t know for sure. After all, I went to the University of Texas for accounting because my dad donated enough money to build them a new library, and I am now fiscally successful as a result. Let this be a warning to all who are thinking about higher education.”
The scene-renowned logo defended his decision to go to college in 1982.
“In life, you must choose between going to college and being financially ruined, or not going to college and oftentimes getting paid less so therefore financially ruined. There are only wrong answers,” said Milo. “Plus, I went to college in the ‘80s when tuition wasn’t nearly as bad as today. They keep jacking up the price for some reason. It’s like our capitalist society wants to profit off of Americans’ desires to succeed monetarily. Yes, the world needs electricians. But you know what? They also need baristas, and you can only do that with a philosophy degree from NYU.”
Experts believed both sides had a tendency to be insensitive toward the other.
“Conservatives can’t help but criticize famous punk mascots and logos, but liberals can also be overly critical of them too,” said political pundit Laura Tesling. “For instance, a left-leaning voter once told the Misfits logo that he should practice mindful meditation because it was looking particularly angered. Another Democrat also once put one of those ‘in this house we believe’ yard signs in his front lawn before petitioning to get the skanking kid from the Circle Jerks logo removed from a homeless shelter that was a few blocks over.”
At press time, Tannenburg found common ground with Milo as they both believe everything sucks.