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Angry Busta Rhymes Delivers Stern Lecture to Son in 11 Seconds

BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Legendary MC Busta Rhymes surprised the hip-hop community this morning by dropping a sternly worded lecture on his son 10-year old son Treman that cycled through more than six life lessons in 11 seconds, sources confirmed.

“As soon as I heard Tre’s full name and the drum machine being programmed, I knew it was going down, so I grabbed my phone and hunkered down on the patio,” said Rhymes’ daughter, Mariah Smith, who leaked the lecture to Soundcloud. “I know it’s supposed to be a private moment, but this is easily Dad’s best verse since ‘Why Stop Now.’”

Even though the talking-to demonstrated the Brooklyn rapper’s trademark lyrical acrobatics at breakneck speed over a sparse beat, some critics were underwhelmed.

“The speed is still there, but gone is the originality and unique chaos of the Busta Rhymes we all fell in love with in ’94,” lamented hip-hop critic and child psychologist Dr. Gatzz of Parental Guidance Advised magazine. “The rhyming is rudimentary, the beat is painfully straightforward, and the advice is, at best, derivative, generic platitudes that lack true insight, which will fail to connect with the child — thus leaving the problematic behavior unabated.”

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Rarely autobiographical in his songs, the father-son moment instigated a flurry of speculation over the “Break Ya Neck” rapper’s home life. Despite being separated by 13 floors, neighbors of the notoriously boisterous rapper heard the talk drop live, and offered their own theories.

“There’s been a lot of tension in the apartment recently. Ever since the kid’s turned started middle school, he’s started listening to indie rock, which didn’t sit well with Busta,” disclosed one neighbor wishing to remain anonymous. “But, also, the whole family’s still reeling from Tribe’s last album not getting nominated, so someone was bound to blow eventually. Jeezy out.”

The lecture is already being considered for the upcoming mixtape, Let’s Rap… a compilation of tough parent-child conversations, as performed by popular hip-hop artists.

UPDATE: After the leak, Busta Rhymes tweeted to clarify he was not as angry as previously reported; just disappointed.

Article by Tom K.

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