SAN DIEGO — Entomologists at the California Center for Insect Study published a paper today detailing the fascinating life cycle of the common Iron Maiden T-shirt, which molts its larval sleeves when fully matured for unknown reasons.
“Due to the violent life of the shirt, making it to maturity is quite rare,” Dr. Donna Burns wrote in her report. “But if it is lucky enough to reach roughly the age of 16, the shirt undergoes a beautiful transformation into its next stage of life: what we call the ‘Shirt-Vest Phase.’”
Common Iron Maiden shirts live mainly in the U.S. and Great Britain, but species have migrated all over the world, identified by their unique, zombie-shaped markings. Scientists found and studied a particularly well-preserved specimen that had attached itself to local metalhead Craig Jackson.
“I got this guy at the Long Beach Arena on the ‘Give Me Ed Til I’m Dead Tour’ in 2003,” Jackson explained, holding up the shirt. “But since the print is starting to crack and the collar is coming unsewn, I knew it was time to go sleeveless and only wear it when I cut the lawn — just like the 15 Iron Maiden shirts that came before it.”
Scientists carefully monitored the shirt from a distance so as to not interfere with the delicate process, measuring and recording the pupation for what is believed to be the first time in history.
“To say it was beautiful is an understatement,” Ph.D. resident Dale Browning told reporters. “I’ve seen a Venom shirt screen-printed, a jean jacket patched in the wild, and a shrunk Guns ‘N’ Roses long-sleeve find a new home with a girlfriend. But this was the most glorious act of nature I’ve ever witnessed.”
While beautiful, the report theorizes that after pupation, the shirt’s quality of life diminishes rapidly as it morphs into a cleaning rag, most commonly to wash various Camaros and Mustangs.
The scientists next hope to secure funding to travel to Frankfurt, Germany to witness the annual swarm of shirts at the Wacken Open Air Festival.