29. Professor Sean Garrity
Drama Professor Sean Garrity, is sure to put the lives of his students at risk when he criticizes how each of them are playing dead. “No, no – where is your truth? Where is your pain? You don’t look dead. You look plastic, you look fake!” But it’s enough to convince the police they’ve recovered bodies, to which Garrity responds, “And scene.”
28. Sgt. Nunez
Sgt. Nunez is understaffed, underpaid, and underappreciated for his role as head of campus security. He’s so jaded that if any real trouble arose, he would tell them to call the “real” police. He would be one of the first ones to surrender to the gunman. He won’t risk his life to protect his students, despite that being a main duty of his job.
27. Rachel
Thanks to her cute-but-doesn’t-know-it quality, the gunman would probably spare her life the moment her glasses come off. Unfortunately for the students at Greendale, she lacks the confidence, grit, and combat expertise this situation calls for. If only some strapping young man had wagered to teach her how to be a fearless fighter so she could fit in with our present-day, violent society.
26. Pavel Iwaszkiewicz
Polish exchange student Pavel is in for a harsh reality check about modern-day American life. All he wanted was to get a proper American education and now he’s huddled under his desk hoping the gunfire he hears is another round of paintball assassin. After surviving, my best guess is he’s on the next plane to Poland, happy he successfully escaped Colorado.
25. Officer Cackowski
You think because Officer Cackowski is wearing a police uniform, you’re suddenly safe? This guy’s gonna bunker down behind the front door waiting for his supervisor to give him direction. He’ll wince after each shot fired and the most effort he’ll exert is looking down at his watch, hoping the SWAT team isn’t stuck in traffic.
24. Troy Barnes
There are very few people less suited to take on an armed gunman than Troy Barnes. He’ll likely faint from his ensuing panic attack. His childlike wonder will definitely have irreparable damage and it’ll take years for it to recover.
23. Nurse Jackie
As the self-appointed Hawkeye on campus, Nurse Jackie would create a triage for the wounded and awkwardly make a pass at all the women who came through his doors.
22. Murray
As the right-hand man to Vice Dean Robert Laybourne, Murray is not one to mess with. He’s shady and self-serving which is a very dangerous combination. I believe Murray is capable of stopping an armed gunman if he wants to, but he doesn’t strike me as the type to put himself in danger in the service of others.
21. Neil
Neil has proved himself to be a warrior, even if it’s in the imaginary confines of Dungeons and Dragons. Much like his D&D character, he will be brave in the face of danger. Sadly, Neil doesn’t have the luxury of a D20 dice roll, so his attempts will fail before they even begin.