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Six Songs We Managed To Listen To This Week Before Apple Crushed The Bands’ Instruments With A Hydraulic Press

Another week, another endless onslaught of new and terrifying music. We know you don’t have the time to sift through it all, so we’ve dropped everything in our busy schedules to do it for you. It would be nice if you thanked us, but you never have and you probably never will. Instead of dwelling on the fact that you’re the most ungrateful person we’ve ever met, let’s forget about it and dive right in. Here are six new songs that need to be on your radar before your friends make fun of you even more than they already do. You’re welcome.

Yambag “Mindfuck Ultra”

If you love hardcore, have limited time, and long for songs that make you feel like you’re having a literal goddamn heart attack, then Cleveland, Ohio’s Yambag is for you. Their latest album, ‘Mindfuck Ultra,’ clocks in at just ten minutes long, and each of its eleven – ELEVEN – tracks will make you feel you’ve been transported to the dirtiest, sweatiest basement known to man. We don’t want to alarm you, but seven of our writers somehow got broken noses at their desks within seconds of us putting this one on.

ROAR “The Body Is A Temple For Heavier Metal”

ROAR – the mostly solo project of Phoenix multi-instrumentalist Owen Evans – had a bit of an unexpected upswing last summer when his single ‘I Can’t Handle Change’ suddenly went viral over a decade after its initial release. Clearly in a celebratory mood, Evans has released a new album entitled ‘Knives For Aries.’ It’s a short and sweet epic that tackles uplifting themes such as: forever chemicals destroying our bodies, the exhausting grind of remaining relevant on the internet, and maintaining a ‘punk as fuck’ ethos despite becoming older and more boring in your adult life.

SWEET SPINE “time stands still”

Shoegaze Spring is yet again upon us, and we hope you’ve prepared yourself this year. If you haven’t, we’ve got you covered with South Carolina’s up and coming indie-rock trio SWEET SPINE. Their latest and aptly titled single, ‘time stands still,’ is sure to steal even more hours of your day than you usually waste. One listen and you’ll be compelled to repeat it over and over again, which is great because most medical professionals recommend at least six hours of fuzz guitars coupled with catchy-as-fuck melodies a day. Your health is important and we care.

Sorry Mom “But I’m A Quarterback”

You probably don’t remember Sorry Mom’s viral hit ‘I Fucked Yr Mom’ because it came out in 2021 and social media has slowly eroded your short term memory and recall skills since then, but that song ripped and so does Sorry Mom. Fortunately, they understand your absolute shitshow of an attention span and are showing no signs of shutting their highly productive power-pop factory. Their latest, ‘But I’m A Quarterback’ chugs along at a relentless clip before absolutely exploding right at the moment you’re thinking of checking Instagram again. Quite a feat for you.

Coheed and Cambria “The Joke”

In case you didn’t hear about it from your D&D party – don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone you still play – Coheed and Cambria have released a new B-Side, ‘The Joke.’ It’s their second one-off single since the surprise drop of the much sought after 2011 track ‘Deranged.’ Maybe it’s gone over our heads, but we have yet to find anything funny in the newly released track. To the contrary, the lyrics are actually kind of depressing. That doesn’t mean we haven’t enjoyed the trippy production and Claudio’s trademark vocal stylings, however.

Knocked Loose “The Calm That Keeps You Awake”

We’re currently posting this article from a hidden bunker in a remote area of Alaska, hundreds of miles away from any of our interns. That’s because Knocked Loose finally released their highly anticipated LP ‘You Won’t Go Before You’re Supposed To.’ Given the absolute chaos that has permeated all the lead singles, we don’t feel particularly reassured by the album title. Our paranoia was severely escalated when one of our writers punched out every window in our office and used their own blood to write the band’s name on several of the walls.

Did you know we’ve compiled these and several other songs into a convenient and disorienting playlist? Did you also know we update it every week so you never even have to try to look for new songs yourself? It’s because we love you that much, even though you don’t deserve it all. Click here to listen, follow, and share. Seriously, though. It’s the least you can do.