Another week, another slew of new music that you can’t be bothered to listen to. What happened to you? You used to be cool. Well, maybe not cool, but at least acceptable. Your current plummet into societal irrelevancy could be traced back to your refusal to listen to anything that came out after 2005. We get it. It was a great year for music, but it’s time to move on. Here are six new tracks to help get you back on the right track.
Drug Church “Hey Listen”
The long wait is finally over. The only album that has ever mattered in the entire history of music is here. Drug Church’s ‘Prude’ is a masterclass in busting your door down and kicking your shit in. There isn’t a second of this record where the guitars sound like they aren’t actively trying to break out of your headphones and shatter your skull. To avoid cranial injuries, try buying the special edition vinyl from our store and listening on speakers at a safe distance.
Scarab “Tetanus” / “Untitled”
If you’ve been to the office lately, you’ve probably been wondering what all the spackle was about. Well, Scarab released two of the heaviest singles known to man which caused several of our interns to throw their laptops through our cheap and already damaged drywall. If the band decides to release any more music soon, our whole building might be condemned. Needless to say, we’ve decided to wait for an album announcement before repainting.
Coheed and Cambria “Blind Side Sonny”
In case you didn’t already hear about it at your last D&D session, Coheed and Cambria released a new single. ‘Blind Side Sonny’ apparently introduces a new character to the band’s long-running Amory Wars/Vaxis universe. At least that’s what we think our Managing Editor said before we zoned out. All we really know is that it’s the most urgent Coheed has sounded in years.
Cheekface “Flies”
Most of those in our writers’ room cannot do a kickflip and are not on TV. It’s no surprise then that Cheekface’s new single ‘Flies’ seems to be speaking directly to them. Our staffs’ inability to foster real friendships aside, the track is about as fun and catchy as you would expect from the LA trio. And if Greg Katz’s dry and comedic lyricism isn’t enough, listeners are also treated to some excellent baritone sax from Jeff Rosenstock.
34 Trolley “Relaxation”
When the legendary Jersey rockers Screaming Females announced their breakup late last year, many of their fans were worried they would never be able to listen to music again. Fortunately, the band’s drummer Jarrett Dougherty is moving forward with a new solo project. Featuring members of Catbite and Push Ups, 34 Trolley blends elements of 80’s post-punk and disco. If you’ve always wanted LCD Soundsystem to sound less annoying and more punk, this is for you.
Because we know you’re too despondent to do it yourself, we’ve compiled these and several other questionable tunes into a playlist for you. It’s literally the least we could do. Click here to like, follow, and trick your friends into thinking you’re a tastemaker in the world of punk, indie, hardcore and metal.