20. Catelyn Stark
She fucked up everything. Twice! Do not trust her to give you a level anything – especially mood.
19. Khal Drogo
Rapist. Pass. We aren’t going to give the Dothraki some “cultural pass” for that sort of bullshit.
18. Craster
Another rapist?!? Fine. We guess Khal Drogo has some redeeming qualities. Maybe Drogo is capable of love. But it did take us two entries on this list and a worse villain to give him some benefit of the doubt so maybe don’t trust him when he offers your friend molly.
17. Grand Maester Pycelle
He’ll never outright be an asshole to you. Pycelle is too sly. He knows he’s too old to take you in a fair fight. But if anyone was going to “accidentally” turn down the vocals during your big chorus it’s this asshole. Was it mechanical failure? No, it was his worthless old balls getting in the way again – just like they always do.
16. Roose Bolton
Another sound guy who quietly hates you and your entire family without ever meeting them, this man will literally skin you alive if he gets a bigger cut of the door. Jokes on him – no one likes your band! So he’ll be killing you for nothing. All the same, be at peace.
15. Littlefinger
True story: I once played with Littlefinger’s band. They were called “Lord of Everything and the Lack of Bone Structure.” They were a terrible math rock band and they smelled like perfumed cabbage. Anyways, this dude is an asshole in more ways than just being a conniving fuck. Math rock sucks.
14. Stannis Baratheon
This is the weird old man at everyone’s office who is consistently a dick only because he’s been passed over for manager for like forty years – and now he’s gonna take it all out on you. Enjoy! He’s just a bad, boring man, and you are in hell.
13. Viserys Targaryen
Being incompetent is the mark of a great bad sound guy. But having uncontrollable rage and unearned arrogance accompanying it – well you’ve got a legend there. Viserys is the guy who has no idea which mic goes to which input but still thinks he can drunkenly try to fuck the venue manager’s wife because his dad’s the mayor.
12. The High Sparrow
Sound guys and dumb religions go together like oil and another substance almost exactly identical to oil. The High Sparrow is the equivalent of the sound guy who won’t let you bring those breakables in because they throw off the chakra of the space. He is a piece of shit and you will be glad when he dies in that kombucha explosion 3 months after your gig.
11. Pete Davidson
Was Pete Davidson in “Game of Thrones”!?! No? You sure? Fuck it, he’d probably be an asshole.
10. Janos Slynt
This bald-headed bitch will fuck you over literally any chance he can get, and be a pompous dick while he’s doing it. And the one time you do actually need him, he’ll fall to absolute pieces in a second just because the label that’s usually taped to the left speaker fell off.
9. The Mad King
This guy is only in, like, two flashback scenes in the show and he’s still number 9. That’s how big of a dick he is. This is the guy who got fired years before you even booked this gig but the staff still tells stories about him like shell-shocked survivors from WWI.
8. Ramsay Bolton
This bastard’s only motivation for being a piece of shit is just to cause as much anguish as inhumanly possible. A born fucking sociopath, he’ll spend your entire set randomly shutting off microphones, constantly fucking will the monitor level, sporadically tossing beer bottles and lit firecrackers at you on stage, and playing a constant loop of “Cotton Eye Joe” at a blaring volume over the house speakers. He is chaos.
7. Walder Frey
Walder Frey is a power-hungry fuck. He’s been gunning to take over sound for the nicer venue across town for seventy years and it has not gone well. Also, he’s a pedophile? Are we remembering that right? Yeah, fuck this guy.
6. The Hound
He just smashed all of your amps.
5. The Mountain
He just smashed all of your amps and killed your roadie. Update: Your drummer is in the hospital now too.
4. Joffrey Baratheon
Joffrey is cruel, he’s incompetent and, at his core, has the true heart of a spineless coward. He only got the sound guy job because his dad owns the venue, and the minute anything goes wrong he’s gonna sell you down the river and then do coke with some high schoolers in the back room.
3. Daenerys Targaryen
Holy shit! Can you even imagine the sanctimonious rants you’d have to hear come out of this asshole? Get ready for a four-hour-long tirade about how she has the noblest of all methods for coiling cables and you’re not leaving until she forces you to do it the right way.
2. Allister Thorne
This fucker has dedicated his life to this run-down strip club and apparently he’s the only one who’s allowed to. He thinks he’s the only competent employee there and if you contest that mentality, simply by demonstrating that you also have any level of competence, then he will make it his life’s goal to belittle and invalidate you. Successfully balance even one monitor and you’ll spend the rest of your week scrubbing toilets that he just upper-deckered.
1. Cersei Lannister
The phrase “this cunt’s gone mad with power” gets thrown around alot these days – and with Cersei it’s more applicable than a Viagra enema at an Ticketmaster executives after party. She’s also arrogant, snide, willing to betray anyone, and ready to fuck up everythin anytime she doesn’t get her way. Fuck, even when she does get her way she still somehow seems mad about it. You could play the best show of your life and give her all the money you got paid to do it and she’ll still get you banned for life just because she can. There’s literally no winning – you may as well go outside and slash your own tour van tires because it’ll be just as helpful as anything you could get from her.