29. Sandy
Sandy is going to get emotional looking at the scene between you and your kid. “Pure Americana” he calls it before lecturing to you about the soul of America being divided by shadowy figures. He mentions “Sound of Freedom” and how our government is controlled by pedophiles and no matter how hard you try to end the conversation it just continues. It’s like quicksand, the harder you fight, the deeper you fall.
28. Richard Burke
Man’s man Richard Burke is definitely gonna support the little rascal. He knows a small little lemonade stand is perfectly harmless and a huge MILF magnet. He’s gonna hang and wait for all the single mothers to come by so he can hit on them.
27. David
Yes, David’s gonna be harmless. But it’ll be painful to hear him fumble through a history lesson on how the Egyptians would use dates, lemon, and water to create “qatarmizat,” the earliest iteration of what we now call Lemonade. Then of course he will tell you a fun chemistry experiment you can do at home by adding a bit of baking soda to create fizzy lemonade, because the baking soda will react to the acid in lemon juice, creating a carbonation. Yeah, you’ll be so bored you’ll wish someone would call the police.
26. Eric
Eric is a kind-hearted second-grade teacher who has spent time overseas building houses for underdeveloped nations. You notice that although he’s enjoying his cup of lemonade, he seems to be spending far too much time talking with your kid. He doesn’t try anything or do anything inappropriate but there’s just something about him that you just don’t trust.
25. Frank Buffay Jr.
This doofus will be psyched to see a lemonade stand on his block. Make sure you keep an eye on him though because the moment you’re distracted he’ll disappear and suddenly you’re now a babysitter to his three rambunctious children. And he won’t return until half past midnight.
24. Charles Bing/Helena Handbasket
The last thing Helena would do is call the fascist pigs on a little kid’s lemonade stand. She knows your kid isn’t hurting anyone and even if the police do happen to show up, she would be the first one to stand in your defense.
23. Gary
Yes, Gary is a cop who probably drives a F-150. Yes, he’s not afraid of shooting a bird out his bedroom window. But, he’s also a romantic who’s heart would be warmed at the sight of a child having a little fun, so long as he doesn’t see that BLM flag in your garage.
22. Amanda Buffamonteezi
Amanda will buy a cup, take a sip, and then promptly spit out. She’ll quickly apologize for her rude behavior with her excuse being that she forgot she’s in the US because in England, where she lives, lemonade is fizzy. She will then ask for her quarter back before walking away.
21. Mr. Heckles
Mr. Heckles would stand near the lemonade stand motionless, with his arms folded. He would complain about the racket you’re making and threaten to call the cops but never does because he doesn’t own a cell phone and when you call him out on it, he’ll say, “I could own a cell phone.”