Every child, at one point in their lives, has wanted to own and operate their very own lemonade stand. It’s practically a rite of passage in America. What better way to teach your kids the fundamentals of capitalism than peddling overly sugared lemon water to wealthy white people.
However, there’s been a growing trend among these entitled suburbanites. Despite being staunch supporters of the American Dream, they cannot stand witnessing other people pulling themselves up by their own bootstraps, even other white people. Seriously, are white people okay?
Uh-oh. I’ve just used the words “White People” three times which means the cast of “Friends” suddenly appeared. Are they gonna scold your child for operating an unlicensed lemonade stand? Read on to find out which character from your mom’s favorite sitcom would be likely to call the police on your 8-year-old.
50. Charlie Wheeler
Whether or not you’ve obtained a legal vendor’s permit through the proper channels, is none of Charlie’s concern.
49. Ugly Naked Guy
It’s probably safe to assume that Ugly Naked Guy would be the one who’s getting the police called on him for exposing himself to a minor. He’s going to do whatever he can to avoid the heat.
48. Richard Crosby
He’s too famous to care about something so inconsequential as the legality of a child’s lemonade stand. There’s no way he’s stopping, either. He doesn’t think about you, kids, laws, and he never will.
As the manager of a small business, Gunther wouldn’t be one to stifle the joy of a young entrepreneur. In fact, he might even offer great business advice but it’ll probably go unnoticed by everyone around him given his forgettable voice, face, and general vibe.
Parker is sure to be jazzed to see a lemonade stand on his block. You bet he’s gonna buy a cup and describe every sensation he feels with every sip. “It’s like my tongue has just witnessed the sunrise for the first time.” But his commentary quickly becomes grating and you’ll end up having to escort him off your property for bothering the neighbors.
Bless her heart, Erica would not even know what a vendor permit is.
44. Joey Tribbiani
If Joey passed by a kid selling lemonade you best believe he’s gonna throw down every quarter in his pocket to quench his never-ending thirst. He’ll down the whole pitcher, belch, and then give the little “champ” a high-five before hitting on someone’s mother.
43. Tag Jones
Tag’s too laid back, young, and dumb to have any ounce of entitlement. He’d buy a cup before spotting a hoverboard peeking out of their garage and politely ask to take it for a spin. He’ll no doubt break his arm but he’ll be smiling all the way to the emergency room.
42. Phoebe Buffay
Phoebe would be so amped to see a little kid selling lemonade. The sight would make her reminisce about a time when she was a child, begging her parents to allow her to have a lemonade stand of her own. Then she’ll bring down the entire mood by mentioning her mother’s suicide and how she was homeless by the age of 14, telling the little 8-year-old to live it up while they still can.
41. Janice Hosenstein
Janice would screech, “Oh my gawd, look at the little businessman!” while everyone plugged their ears. She’ll be that annoying aunt you dread to see because you’re constantly embarrassed by the amount of attention she gives.
40. Mike Hannigan
Mike’s childlike behavior is sure to emerge when he’s in the presence of a child. Before you even realize it, he’ll be chatting away with your kid about cartoons and video games. Chances are you’ll have to intervene when the conversation between the two gets heated about which Dragon Ball Z character is the strongest.
39. Rachel Greene
Despite growing up wealthy and entitled, Rachel grew into a very grounded and down-to-earth adult after being financially cut off by her parents. She understands the emotional turmoil of earning a dollar, so she’ll be excited to buy a cup before gossiping to you about that one house on the corner.
38. Carol Willick
Carol understands that even if your kid’s lemonade stand doesn’t have a permit it’s not right to call the authorities on a child. She’s gonna buy herself a cup and make sure that Susan stays inside that day.
37. Pete Becker
Tech Millionaire and aspiring UFC champ Pete Becker, is always trying to prove that despite his wealth, he’s still a man of the people. That’s why when he sees your kid’s lemonade stand he’ll buy a cup for 25 dollars and not realize the price is actually 25 cents.
36. Fun Bobby
Fun Bobby’s only concern in life is finding the next party. If he comes around he’s gonna buy a cup, spike it with liquor, and shoot the shit with you. But, before you know it, he’s downed 3 pitchers and is now drunkenly telling you about all the women in the neighborhood he’s slept with while their husbands were away.
35. Paul Stevens
There’s nothing more amusing than a ruggedly handsome, emotionally fragile man. Upon seeing a loving relationship that you have with your kid, memories of his past will flood in and he’ll be a puddle of tears by his second sip.
34. Alice Knight Buffay
As a former high school teacher she would be delighted to see a young person in America get out of the house and do something productive instead of wanting to be some brainless TikToker. It’s clear her projection is due to her own three brainless children each on their own iPad watching a ten-hour Mr. Beast YouTube video.
33. Jack Geller
No, Jack wouldn’t be one to call the cops. But he probably would refuse to buy a cup because he heard one time that the acid in lemons weakens your enamel and he needs to hold on to the little he has left.
32. Judy Geller
Judy’s not the type to discipline another child. She would likely fawn over the “adorable little setup you have going on here” before making backhanded comments to Monica about her adopted grandchildren. With a strong emphasis on the word adopted.
31. Chandler Bing
Chandler would walk up and when you ask, “would you like a lemonade, sir?” He’ll sarcastically joke, “No, I’m just here to hit on your daughter.” Then laugh before realizing what he just said. He’ll try to save it by saying, “I don’t find your daughter attractive, sir.” But he makes it worse. “Not that she’s ugly. Because for a girl her age, she’s a knock-out.” He’ll laugh once more and add, “Yeah, I think I’ll just go.”
Paolo would be confused to see a small vendor booth in a suburban neighborhood. He’ll be momentarily transported to the streets of Italy where he used to buy gelato from an old woman with no left eye. He’ll approach the booth and struggle to read the sign, “Le-moan-add?” but then it’ll click, “Ah, si limonata.” There’s no way he’s not buying a cup.