Let’s be honest: Lost was a hot mess 20 years ago, and not much has changed. Between the polar bears, time travel, and smoke monsters, the show’s chaos begs the question—how would these characters hold up in the insanity of “The Joe Rogan Experience”? Survivors of a plane crash on a mystical island should know better than to sit through Rogan’s rants about elk meat and UFOs, but would they? Today, we’re breaking down how each Lost character would handle being a guest on Rogan’s podcast.
80. Michael
This would be one of those episodes that get quickly scrubbed from the internet. Michael would spend the full 240 minutes screaming “Give me back my son!” at Joe until someone was forced to call the cops.
79. Charlie
Turns out Joe hates Drive Shaft. And we already know Charlie is always seeking approval, so this episode would be incredibly hard to listen to because Charlie would relapse on air.
78. Ilana Verdansky
Joe would forget who she is—just like the rest of us have. Quite frankly it’s astonishing we took the time to add her to this list.
77. Nikki & Paolo
Nobody likes Nikki and Paulo, and it’d be the podcast’s least-listened episode. Joe would have to sell four float tanks to make up for Athletic Greens pulling their sponsorship.
76. David Shepard (Jack’s son who doesn’t exist)
He only exists in a parallel universe where Andy Dick would be the podcast king, and nobody wants to see Andy Dick proposition a sad teenage boy to join him to rail blow in a hot tub.
75. Shannon
Shannon’s episode would be a complete train wreck. She’d whine about island life, drop random complaints about people not appreciating her, and somehow make everything about her failed modeling career. Joe, visibly checked out, would ask her about survival skills, only to get an eye roll and more self-pity. By the end, even Joe’s die-hard fans would agree: this one sucks.
74. Bernard
Let’s be honest—who cares? No one’s tuning in to hear Bernard pout for three hours straight. He’d probably spend the whole episode complaining about dental hygiene on the island. Hard pass.
73. Detective Mars
Nobody wants to hear this blowhard talk about his “heroic” arrests for the entire episode, least of all Joe.
72. Vincent
One long Alpha Brain for Dogs ad? No, thank you. And let’s not even get into how the dog actor that played Vincent was female. That’s going to get Joe all worked up.
71. Frogurt
Ten minutes into a tepid conversation about Tempur-Pedic mattresses, Joe would casually hint that lifting weights might help Frogurt get laid more.
70. Sarah Wagner
Joe would spend the whole episode asking, “But seriously, why’d you leave Jack?” while Sarah just rolls her eyes and mutters something about daddy issues.
69. Kate’s Dad
Kate’s dad would calmly discuss the joys of parenthood, but things would take a turn when Joe awkwardly asks, “So, how do you feel about your daughter killing someone?”
68. Liam Pace
Joe would kick off the episode with, “I heard Driveshaft is finally gonna have a reunion!” only for Liam to awkwardly explain, “Nah, man… you’re thinking of Oasis.”
67. Phil
Midway through explaining Dharma protocols, Phil would randomly confess to Joe that he once cried for three days straight because someone ate his sandwich.
66. Bram
Bram would rant about Jacob saving the world, and Joe would randomly ask, “But have you tried lion’s mane coffee?” Bram would shake his head, muttering, “You’re on the wrong side, Joe.”
65. Nadia
Joe would try digging into her relationship with Sayid, but Nadia dodges every question like a pro. By the end, Joe’s convinced she’s a secret agent, and she still hasn’t said a thing.
64. Boone
Boone would mention his hookup with Shannon, and Joe, thinking it was one of those “When in Rome” situations on the island, would nod along. But when Boone clarifies it happened before they were stranded, Joe’s face would go from understanding to pure discomfort.
63. Aldo
Joe would be excited to drop “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” references, assuming Aldo knows about it because of his actor’s connection. Aldo, completely oblivious, would just blink and ask, “What’s Always Sunny?” leaving Joe awkwardly butchering the Dennis System.
62. Carmen Reyes
Carmen would spend the whole episode trying to feed Joe, insisting he needs more home-cooked meals. Joe, overwhelmed, would try to steer the conversation back to Hurley’s lottery win, but Carmen’s too busy telling embarrassing stories about Hurley.
61. Dr. Pierre Chang
Dr. Pierre Chang, the man of a thousand secrets, would take one look at Joe’s guest list and ghost him faster than you can say “namaste.”
60. Karl Martin
Karl’s episode would just be awkward, as Joe spends way too long trying to bond with him over teenage rebellion, ignoring the fact that Karl spent most of his time getting tortured by The Others.
59. Danny Pickett
Danny Pickett would go on an unhinged rant about how grilling was the only thing keeping him from losing it on the island. “You think I tortured people for fun, Joe? Nah, it was just stress from never getting the damn grill hot enough.”
58. George Minkowski
The entire episode would just be Joe asking, “Did you watch Succession?” over and over, while George tries to explain that he’s not actually in the show.
57. Matthew Abaddon
“Have you seen “The Wire”? That’s the whole episode. Joe would keep asking Jamie to bring up clips and it’s more boring than you can actually imagine.
56. Cindy Chandler
Cindy would talk about serving peanuts one day and joining a cult the next. Joe, baffled, would ask, “So, do the Others get TSA PreCheck or what?”
55. Lennon
Joe would peg Lennon as the kind of guy who could handle some potent edibles. Big mistake. Lennon would get way too high, turning the conversation into a paranoid mess, rambling about Dharma secrets and human sacrifice.
54. Sun
Sun would ignore all of Joe’s questions about survival and island life, instead launching into a passionate rant about the superiority of Korean skincare. By the end, Joe’s frantically scribbling down product recommendations convinced it’s the secret to longevity.
53. Rose
After Rose reveals that her cancer returned after leaving the island, Joe would earnestly suggests microdosing shrooms, grounding, and—of course—buying a hyperbaric oxygen chamber. Rose would nod politely, clearly unimpressed.
52. Charlotte Lewis
Charlotte would switch between her normal accent and a bizarre fake one throughout the episode, confusing Joe to no end. “Wait, are you British or not?” he’d finally ask, as Charlotte laughs and says, “Depends on which timeline we’re in.”
51. Cassidy Phillips
Joe would spend the whole episode awkwardly trying to psychoanalyze Sawyer through Cassidy, which would turn into a strange conversation about con artists, relationships, and attachment issues.