Some might say Cradle of Filth has too many albums. In fact, we’d say that. So here we go: Cradle of Filth has too many albums. Seriously. We’re fans, but there’s like 3 or 4 in here that we completely forgot existed. And prior to making this list, several albums here had gotten maybe, MAYBE, one full listen. The thing is, their good stuff is great. They have like 7 really solid albums. This is pretty incredible considering how many bands can barely put out one. Something that the band is both praised and hated for is their willingness to embrace the whole camp of it all. And in that, they can come off really cheesy, which works. It can make some of their harder to swallow stuff actually much more digestible. But let us not pretend it’s something it’s not: it’s cheese. And as we all know, some cheese is better than others.
Also, let’s be real: they were never trve kvlt black metal. They’re theater kids from Shropshirefordbagginsworthmouthfordport or wherever in England. So the whole “their early stuff is the only REAL metal they made” nonsense doesn’t work. And just a reminder, we only rank full-length OG albums and they have like a billion EPs, live albums, compilations, and re-rereleases, so there’s a good chance your favorite release isn’t on the list. Alas.
13. Thornograpy (2006)
“Thornography” was one of the band’s more obvious attempts at breaking into the mainstream. Unfortunately what makes it so obvious is that it sucks. No shade for trying to sell out. We’d do it if anyone was buying. Healthcare is expensive, and capitalism is a death cult. We all gotta pay bills. But if you’re gonna sell out and pander, please make it better than this album. It’s not like it’s terrible or anything. Honestly, none of their albums are unlistenable. But when you have 40-something releases out, you gotta give us a reason to care about specific albums. And with this one, we don’t.
Play it again: “I Am the Thorn”
Skip it: “Temptation”
12. Darkly, Darkly Venus Aversa (2010)
More like “Boring, Boring Venus Aversa.” This album sounds like a generic CoF album, and not in a particularly good (or bad?) way. It’s got some songs. It has some spooky sounds. Dani Filth screeches a bunch. It’s fine. But there is literally nobody on earth who has this listed as their favorite album of all time. Literally nobody. Also, the Tim Burton/Hot Topic album art isn’t helping.
Play it again: “The Cult of Venus Aversa”
Skip it: “Forgive Me Father (I Have Sinned)” is just bad
11. Cryptoriana – The Seductiveness of Decay (2017)
Cradle of Filth seemingly has two types of album covers: A.) Fucking sick! Or B.) I’m embarrassed to own this. So while supposedly “Cryptoriana – The Seductiveness of Decay” is probably an ok album, it is solidly in the B category, because we couldn’t get past the cover. It’s bad. Sure the art is competently done, but so was “Young Sheldon.” So no, we didn’t listen to this album. At all. The only reason it’s not last is because it seems to be a popular one of the modern era. But we’re not getting past the cover. Seriously, everything about this cover feels like the band is watching you change without your consent. And I don’t know about you, but here at Hard Times Incorporated, we won’t watch you change without your consent.
Play it again: Couldn’t tell you
Skip it: agreed
10. The Manticore and Other Horrors (2012)
Kinda forgot this one existed. Lots of people like it, but the production feels off and Dani’s vocals are even less appealing than usual. Like most of the albums on this half of the list, there’s just nothing pulling us in besides name recognition. That said, because we’re not nerds, we had never heard the word “manticore” prior to this album coming out. But the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a manticore as “a legendary animal with the head of a man, the body of a lion, and the tail of a dragon or scorpion” and honestly that’s pretty dope.
Play it again: “The Abhorrent”
Skip it: “Frost on Her Pillow”
9. Godspeed on the Devil’s Thunder (2008)
This album is overall pretty meh. It’s pretty rare that we come back to this one at all. In fact it would be lower on this list if not for one song title that cracks our shit up, every. damn. time. “Shat out of Hell” will never not be funny. If you’re not laughing, then you’re not picturing Meat Loaf bellowing “SHAT OUT OF HELL I’LL BE GONE WHEN THE MORNING COMES!” Incredible. Otherwise the album is whatevs. And it definitely loses points for having a track called “Tragic Kingdom” despite it not being a No Doubt cover. Bogus.
Play it again: “Shat out of Hell”
Skip it: “Tragic Kingdom”
8. Nymphetimine (2004)
This album came out in between “Damnation and a Day” and “Thornography,” and it sounds like it. There are epic moments and some actual bangers, but overall it feels like the band is stretched a little thin. It almost feels like they threw everything they had at “Damnation and a Day” and then when it didn’t do well they kinda just slapped a bunch of leftover “Damnation” riffs together and tried to make things a little more palatable for the mainstream. This album teeters right on the edge of being good and bad, depending on our mood.
Play it again: “Nemesis”
Skip it: “Nymphetimine Fix”
7. The Principle of Evil Made Flesh (1994)
Starting with this album, everything from now on is a “good” CoF album. This one is kind of like the classic film “Nosferatu.” Not the new remake. The old-ass one. It’s classic and honestly pretty great. But are you gonna watch it more than once a year? Nah. That’s this album. It’s miles better than some of their more recent and boring stuff, but it still feels like nostalgia for nostalgia’s sake.
Play it again: “The Forest Whispers My Name”
Skip it: “One Final Graven Kiss”
6. Existence is Futile (2021)
From the jump, great title. And for being their newest release, “Existence is Futile” is pretty solid. It’s kinda like the AFC Bournemouth of CoF albums. It’s never gonna be number one. It’s just not gonna happen. But it’s not even close to being in last place. And honestly, when it comes down to it, this album goes pretty hard. The cover art is… trying. It’s trying its best. It’s like almost scary? The problem is unless you’re looking at it close up, it kinda looks like a giant ant in a chair. Which I guess is cool. Ants are actually pretty neat.
Play it again: “Unleash the Hellion”
Skip it: “Discourse Between a Man and His Soul”
5. Hammer of the Witches (2015)
First off, the album title rules. Easily their most metal-sounding album title. For a band that puts out a lot of cutesy, winky, spooky album titles, this one is just so sick. On top of it, this album rips. Out of all the “modern era” CoF albums, this one is easily the most re-listenable. It blends the riffs and the orchestral/keyboard shit in a way that harkens back to the heyday of the band. And speaking of riffs: they got some riffs. We can’t exactly put our finger on why the riffs riff so hard on this album, compared to their other newer stuff, but they do. They riff. Hard. Hard Riffs. The hardest. Of riff. So hard, those riffs. Hard riffs, riffing hard. I’m having a stroke.
Play it again: “Yours Immortally…”
Skip it: “Blooding the Hounds of Hell”
4. Dusk… and Her Embrace (1996)
We know. It should be number one or whatever. We never get album rankings right. Do we even listen to CoF? Etc etc etc. Look, It’s a good album and there are some all-time tracks on here, but it’s just not as good as the other ones on this list. If “The Principle of Evil Made Flesh” was “Nosferatu” then this album is Coppola’s Dracula with Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder. It’s kinda corny, but it’s also super awesome. And you’re pretty much never not in the mood for it. It’s a solid reminder of where the band came from. And thankfully the albums ranked higher prove that the promise of this album wasn’t a fluke. Plus the last minute of the title track absolutely rips.
Play it again: “Funeral in Carpathia,” and “Dusk and Her Embrace”
Skip it: We can get down with some of their intros, but “Humana Inspired to Nightmare” is a bridge too far for us.
3. Cruelty and the Beast (1998)
This album should be number one. But the drum production is embarrassingly bad. It makes Lars’ “St. Anger” drum sound seem ahead of its time and punchy. Speaking of Metallica, the drum production on this album feels like a prank on the level of the bass on “…And Justice for All.” Like the band were intentionally being dicks, thinking it was funny, and now the album sucks. The drums on this album sound like Nick Barker played on a cardboard box. Which is wild, considering he is EASILY a top 5 metal drummer of all time. He’s rumored to have quit the band over what they did to his drums, and we don’t blame him. They recently remastered “Cruelty and the Beast,” and so obviously it sounds better now. But at Hard Times, it’s OG or go home. And the OG version of the drums on this album suck a butt. In a bad way.
Play it again: “Cruelty Brought Thee Orchids”
Skip it: “Portrait of a Dead Countess” is entirely unneeded.
2. Damnation and a Day (2003)
Here’s the thing: People hate this album, and it doesn’t make sense. This album fucking shreds. It’s over-the-top, out of control and pompous. It’s genuinely everything we love about Cradle of Filth. Is it too long? Yeah, but literally every single one of their albums is. That’s like saying you don’t like this album because Dani Filth makes a screechy sound. This album has the riffs, it has the moody vibes, it has a concept. But most importantly it has a budget. DaaD is the band’s one and only major label album, and they milked that shit for everything it’s worth. Some bands sound better when they’re recorded on a phone behind a dive bar. Cradle of Filth sounds best with the 101-piece Budapest Film Orchestra. It’s their longest album and it’s their most epic album. And were it not for how good number 1 is, it’d be the pinnacle of what this band does.
Play it again: “Presents from the Poison-Hearted,” “Hurt and Virtue,” and “The Promise of Fever”
Skip it: “Babylon A.D. (So Glad for the Madness)
1. Midian (2000)
If you’re a fan, you already know. This is it. This is the most “Cradle of Filth” Cradle of Filth album. It’s gothic and scary but also so corny in the best way. They take it so seriously and yet the whole album feels like a giant wink. But then the riffs are so killer this whole album is a paradox. It’s a heavy, heavy album that also heavily features the harpsichord setting on the Casio. Why does it work so well? Who knows. But it does, and its their best. HARD TIMES HAVE SPOKEN!
Play it again: yes.
Skip it: don’t