30. Kelly Kapoor
Even if we wanted to have Kelly in the band she would be too busy with her GG Allin cover band. If you watch the deleted scenes from season three she has a talking head where she talks about how. GG is a personal hero of hers, and she agrees with his politics and message. Pretty messed up.
29. Oscar Martinez
You know Oscar had a Misfits phase, but now anytime the band gets brought up he talks about how Danzig used to go on Fox News and how Jerry Only is a big donor to the Republican party. And I have to remind him I choose to ignore that so I can still enjoy one single thing in my pathetic life.
28. Val Johnson
Val is an enigma on this list. She could be the biggest Misfits fan in the world. For all we know she has a giant Crimson Ghost backpiece, but we can’t be sure. The writers of “The Office” completely failed in letting us know where Val lands on the punk spectrum, it’s the biggest failure of the series.
27. Jim Halpert
Some Jim apologists might think he deserves to be higher on the list. But Jim is a toxic coworker that drags other people down to his level, and has a history of inappropriate behavior with women he works with. And that’s just not the type of thing people in bands do.
26. Devon White
I have to admit there isn’t a lot to go on with Devon, I could have ranked him dead last and nobody would bat an eyebrow. But on the Halloween he was laid off he was fully committed to his hobo costume, and you know the old saying “If you look good as a hobo, you will look good as Misfits most revered drummer Robo.”
25. Erin Hannon
Even if Erin has no musical talent she’s going to bring a positive attitude to the entire project. The only downside is we know she’s not into spooky stuff. So it’s going to be tough to get her on board with the hyper-realistic dead bodies, stuffed inside giant pumpkins that we are going to have as stage decorations.
24. Ryan Howard
Ryan is a weasel and definitely would make the entire band about himself, but he would probably be good at getting us shows because he would know how to talk with promoters. There is a solid chance he sells all our gear and takes off to Thailand, so maybe he’s not worth the risk.
23. Isabel Poreba
During Pam and Jim’s wedding dance, Isabel takes a front kick to the face from Dwight that barely phases her, she eats that kick like a sandwich. That’s the sort of toughness I want in a bandmate, Danzig wishes he had an iron jaw like Isabel.
22. Esther Breugger
Esther plays the accordion which is definitely not an instrument the Misfits ever utilized, but it wouldn’t hurt to get her on board so she’s ready to go when I start my Flogging Molly cover band for next year’s St. Patrick’s Day.
21. Deangelo Vickers
Deangelo would be a top pick for the band because he’s such a wildcard. Every band needs that unhinged element, the biggest problem is his debilitating stage fright. Maybe we could put him on bass and position him behind the amps a bit.
20. Michael Scott
Some people might think Michael should be a top contender to be in the band, he loves to be the center of attention, he would fully commit to a bit, and he’s sort of built like Danzig. But he’s so sensitive, if his stepdad Jeff came to watch the show Michael would quit the band. However, he’s a shoo-in for the Suicidal Tendencies cover band I have cooking once he puts that bandana on.
19. Josh Porter
Josh seems like the type of guy that would surprise you when you mention the Misfits. You think he would never have heard of them, but then he says something like “I saw them play City Gardens in 1986. But honestly, he’s a bit too handsome for me, and I don’t want him to pull focus.
18. Meredith Palmer
The biggest downside to having Meredith in the band is the fact she drinks way too much, but conversely, we know that after she’s been drinking she’s prone to lighting her hair on fire. Which would be a pretty amazing way to close the show.
17. Zeke Schrute
There is a world where most of this band is made up of Schrutes, and that’s not the worst thing in the world. Zeke knows how to play guitar, he can probably fight, and if a horse starts giving birth at the show he’s going to know what to do.
16. Gabe Lewis
Gabe is a horror fan, so he’s at least tangentially aware of the Misfits, he’s tall, and he’s weird. These are all great traits for this project, but most importantly he has a skeleton costume already so we won’t have to spend money on his outfit.