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50 Jobs You Can Have If You Look Like Danzig But Have No Musical Talent

29. Freelance Magician

The kids are looking at your hands, not your head. Also, hats are highly encouraged. Usually to hide doves but it can also hide your greasy bird’s nest.

28. Hipster Blacksmith

People expect you to have a look. Can you imagine buying a handcrafted shield from some normie? What next, a non-artisanal sword?

27. Artisanal Cheese Maker

Much like Kombucha, cheese likes cold, dark places. And if you mess up and let the product get moldy… you just call it blue cheese. There’s no spoilage. The moldier, the better. So hide in the darkness and make some moldy magic.

26. Guy at Gym Who Pressures People Into Memberships

You’re muscly and intimidating, a perfect combo to get those sign-ups. But, uh, maybe try not to scare them off?

25. Cosplay Costume Designer

This is an earnest profession that avoids a lot of judgment. Just try not to be a creep.

24. Indie Film Director

Your eccentric look is just part of your avant-garde allure. Sunglasses are expected, and a weird hat is an option. If you grow a beard too, you’re basically only showing 1% face.

23. Limo Driver

To be clear, Limo, not Uber driver. You need the partition.

22. Small Batch Coffee Roaster

All you need is a stovetop popcorn popper and 5-10 free years to master the art and you’ve got your own business right out of your kitchen. Just that and, of course, a massive amount of marketing spend to keep up in this wildly competitive industry. Actually, it’d really help if you could have been in a band first so you could better promote the product.

21. Homegrown Herbalist

With your custom blend of Valerian Root and Milk Thistle that lets you sleep off a hangover, customers will be banging down your door. Just buzz apartment 3B and say the secret word into the intercom.

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