Girl Friday “Decoration/Currency”
A banger about sex and debt, “Decoration/Currency” may be onto something. This is a song that will convince you that the shaving cream you’d use to spell expletives on your ex’s hood is just a harmless adornment. It’s what you’re owed after all, isn’t it?
Girlo “Like the TVs Do”
Who wouldn’t want to smash their shitty ex’s windshield in like they saw in the movies once? This one will bring a new meaning to the phrase “As Seen on TV.”
DILLY DALLY “Marijuana”
A heavy screamer about how marijuana can double as anti-anxiety medication, one could argue that perhaps an ex’s unsupervised car may provide the most effective anti-anxiety medicine that the world can offer: rage therapy.
THICK “Your Mom”
Honestly, fuck his mom. She is culpable.
Babe Corner “Cigarette”
This moody revenge song is for all the babes who ever dreamed of putting out a cigarette on their ex’s newly upholstered passenger seat. “Cigarette” is a real banger that will urge you to pick up an extra pack or two for the long night ahead.
Remember Sports “I Liked You Best”
A high-energy frenzy condemning and celebrating a past mess maker, “I Like You Best” will really drive you to want to make a mess of your own. I mean, how many times have you dated someone who liked their car more than they liked you?
bed. “Wayward”
A grungy throwback to the heart of ’90s femme-punk, “Wayward” will transport you way back. Just like its hook, it’ll inspire the angst that only your inner wayward teen could hold. Except now you’re legally allowed to buy spray paint.
Diet Cig “Harvard”
A song about ripping on your ex’s new fling, “Harvard” dives right in as a high-energy fuck you. And you know what Ivy League kids tend to often own? Expensive luxury vehicles.
Illuminati Hotties “Superiority Complex”
Dating someone with a superiority complex can drive you absolutely fucking insane. But let’s face it, that complex would pale in comparison to the power boost you’ll feel after vandalizing a former lover’s most costly possession. So honestly, maybe it’s a win-win.
Ratboys “Crossed that Line”
A gritty garage tune about doing what you want in lieu of stupid fucking boys, “Crossed That Line” will drive you all the way to making bad decisions. If stupid fucking boys time and time again cross that line with you, then it’s only fair that you’re allowed to reciprocate. Reciprocation is what relationships are all about, isn’t it?
Taqbir “Aisha Qandisha”
Taken directly from Moroccan folklore, “Aisha Qandisha” is a song based on the tale of a mystical woman who seduces men with her beauty only to drive them mad through possession or lure them to their grisly deaths. Only thing more badass than destroying someone’s car is possessing them and piloting them to do it themselves.
MX LONELY “When I Go Dark”
Sleeping past 3 p.m. and predicting the end of the world certainly sounds like the symptoms of an apocalyptic breakup. As someone who’s been there before, I’d definitely say one of the side effects is full-fledged fucking fuel for destruction of private property. Hope they screwed their hub caps on tight.
Katie Ellen “Sad Girls Club”
Sad Girls Club is a track that feels all too familiar. Being unstable and unwell? We’ve all been there before. At the end of the day, sad girls may not make good wives but maybe angry ones do.
feeble little horse “Chores”
Some relationships are certainly a chore. Others may arguably be more than the actual cleanup. This one is for all the Type-A’s and neat freaks out there. At least it’ll encourage you to bring a broom with you to handle all the glass.
Rosie Tucker “Brand New Beast”
Some lovers really do end up bringing out a brand new beast deep within you. A carnal type of love can truly inspire a carnal type of revenge. And let’s face it, If they can’t even make you come, they sure as hell don’t deserve a functional car.
All Dogs “That Kind of Girl”
A song about being accused of fucking up the life of the one you love past the point of no return, the lyrics in this one admit that occasionally one may find themselves as the one people warn to stay away from. I mean, fuck it. In that case, you might as well put the nail in the coffin.
Yucky Duster “Break Your Phone”
Ok look, not everyone has a car. This is where you can really stretch your range. Keep a list of all their most expensive possessions and knock them off one by one. Self-control is so fucking last year. Let’s hope he never updated anything to the cloud.
Sweeping Promises “Eraser”
A rage-filled tune about the magic of the human psyche, we’d all love to have a mental eraser that could mystically disappear all our trauma sometimes. This one will convince you that it’s time to take a metaphoric eraser to that evil ex’s singular mode of transportation.
Warm Red “Animal”
Relationships can make you absolutely feral. We are all animals after all, aren’t we? The less house-trained your ex is, the easier it will be to convince him he’s the one who left the windows open when he finds the family of pigeons that moved into his Toyota.
Palehound “The Clutch”
An all-time banger that uses driving a car as a metaphor for the destruction of a relationship, at the very least you should be allowed to use a metaphor for the destruction of a car.
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