There was a time when zombie movies seemed like absolute nightmare end-of-the-world scenarios. Now that we’re actually in the slow rollout of the end of days, honestly, a lot of them don’t seem half bad.
We’ve compiled the top 30 zombie movies and ranked them by how much we would rather endure them instead of just waiting around to be consumed by the rising tide of fascism, bigotry, overpopulation, climate change, technocracy, dwindling resources, nuclear war, etc.
30. “Dead Snow” (2009)
In this universe, everyone thinks the Nazis are dead, but they come back and fuck shit up. It might as well be a documentary. “Dead Snow” is dead last.
29. “Planet Terror” (2007)
We’re already living in a world where many of our problems stem from the fact that Harvey Weinstein types have too much influence, so why would we want to live in this movie where it’s just that plus zombies?
28. “REC” (2007)
Hard pass on living in the REC universe. We all remember quarantine, and no one wants to go through that again.
27. “Dawn of the Dead” (2004)
Okay, the state of the world isn’t great, but we all know nothing gets better by making it more Zach Snydery. If you want to see a bigger/faster/dumber remake of a ‘70s classic just look out the window. Everyone is sleazy, there’s an ineffective Democrat in the White House, and inflation is out of control.
26. “The Battery” (2012)
If there is anything more depressing than the general state of the world or a zombie apocalypse, it’s baseball.
25. “Train to Busan” (2016)
“Train to Busan” is one of the best zombie movies in decades, but it’s pretty much the same as our world. Everything could be fine, except some rich fear-based asshole keeps fucking everything up.
24. “Pontypool” (2008)
This movie features a unique take on the zombie virus. It infects the English language, and saying certain words causes a person to unravel and eventually, gruesomely self-terminate. In our universe there are plenty of words people could stop using that would make the world a better place, but they’re still going strong.
23. “28 Days Later” (2002)
Half of you are Ubering after your full-time job and are still broke. Doesn’t a 28-day nap sound like the absolute best right now?
22. “Blue Sunshine” (1978)
The idea that someone who took acid years ago could suddenly snap and kill you is terrifying, but we’ll take that over getting cornered in a bar by someone who microdoses and does tarot. They may not be causing the world to end directly, but damn are they annoying.
21. “Dawn of the Dead” (1978)
When we do finally reach that tipping point and society collapses, brick-and-mortar storefronts will be long gone. Barricading yourself in an Amazon warehouse just doesn’t have the same charm, does it? We all know those places smell like piss, and we all know why.
20. “Shaun of the Dead” (2004)
By the end of this movie, the dead have been trained as a menial unpaid workforce, which is fine because they’re zombies who feel nothing. In our world, the people who wrangle our grocery carts and build our phones are very much alive and suffering every moment.
19. “Dead & Buried” (1981)
Forget about the fact that it has one of the most horrifying ending reveals of all time. This movie takes place in the sort of coastal town that just doesn’t seem to exist anymore. It’s a true village, where everyone knows each other and everyone gets along. Sure, it’s mostly because they are reanimated zombies being controlled by the town’s evil genius embalmer, but if the protagonist can go the whole movie without realizing that, how bad could it be?
18. “The Beyond” (1981)
It’s a hellish fever dream of a movie but at least everyone who lives in this universe is free of the confines of cause and effect. In our universe, it’s hard to buy soup at a grocery store without wondering if you’re somehow supporting a genocide somewhere in the world.
17. “Dead Alive” (1992)
There is a lot of violence in our country right now, and none of it is of the fun, tongue-in-cheek lawnmower slaughter variety.
16. “Night of the Living Dead” (1968)
Remember when shitty people at least had the decency to keep their deep seeded racial bigotry subtextual?
Continue Reading:
1 2