You recently just met the person of your dreams. They’re hot and they make eye contact with you. Every time you think about them you let out a weird little sigh that your friends ask you about. You never have an answer for them because how on earth could you put such profound feelings into words? Things have gotten so intense emotionally that you’ve turned to music. That’s right. It’s time to make a playlist. You’ve heard that Alkaline Trio are known for their bleeding heart romantic lyrics, so you’ve decided to sprinkle in a little of their repertoire for good measure. We must advise you though, even these Chicago heartthrobs have been known to drop the ball from time to time. Here are twenty songs to avoid at all costs.
“Sorry About That”
This is a pretty complicated song from co-songwriter Matt Skiba, and we understand why you would pick it. Nothing gets a prospective partner all hot and bothered like a sung admission of emotional unavailability coupled with the inability to discern when a significant other is broken-hearted, right? Wrong. If you want to reenact the verse about getting drunk and making out all night with your crush, it’s best to leave this one off.
“Enjoy Your Day”
Chances are the person you’re trying to woo doesn’t want to hear a whiny ass acoustic song about how they’re not paying enough attention to you. They especially don’t want to deal with an accusation of entertaining another love interest when you aren’t even dating yet. Space is important in any healthy relationship, so try to start off on the right foot and delete this track from your entire library as well as this playlist.
“Radio”
This track has a soothing guitar intro and lines like ‘shaking like a dog shitting razor blades’ may seem just as romantic as any. You should be warned, however. A closer inspection of the lyrics reveals sinister and far from sexy undertones. There’s no easier way of killing a fledgling romance than suggesting that your potential flame should electrocute themselves in their bathtub.
“Clavicle”
The sentiment here is great, but it might come off a bit forward. You just met this person and you’re already talking about waking up naked with them? Haven’t you heard of playing hard to get? What happened to your mysterious side? Also, no kink shaming here, but it’s usually best to wait until the third date to mention your clavicle fetish.
“Madam Me”
Wow, creeper alert! We’ll admit, we have no idea what this song is about but none of it sounds great. ‘Cannot hear your cries?’ ‘From your knees you’re coated brown?’ ‘Lower than piss?’ Yikes. Unless your crush is super into red flags and human excrement, which no judgment, we guess, we recommend staying far far away from this track.
“Stupid Kid”
You’ve heard of ‘negging’ before, and you’ve probably gathered by now that it is not the best method to court a potential suitor. That’s only where the problems begin with this one. First of all, you’ve never told this person you love them, hopefully. How would you take it back? Secondly, most of the lyrics detail how joyless and afraid Skiba is, which isn’t the best way to lead here.
“She Took Him To The Lake”
Bassist and co-lead singer Daniel Andriano would have you believe that if something ‘seems so right and it feels so right’ then obviously, because science, it has to be right. What ol’ Dan neglects to mention here is that relationships take work. That’s probably why that ‘boy is staying in tonight.’ It’s likely that the subject of your fawning will want to know that you’re emotionally mature enough to deal with the plethora of emotions that come with a romantic entanglement, not all of which are the fleeting ‘right’ feeling moments.
“Another Innocent Girl”
It’s been said that Andriano is the more romantic one of the songwriting duo that makes up Alkaline Trio. It’s not very evident with this song though. Most of the lyrics on this one are open to interpretation, but your crush is most likely going to assume you aren’t over your ex if this one makes the cut.
“While You’re Waiting”
It can be a lot of pressure on a potential partner to feel like your life hinges on them reciprocating the feeling. With lyrics like ‘I just want you to know I’ve got no place to go until the day you die’ this song is a no-go. Also, that line isn’t as flattering as it seems. What happens after they die, Matt? Just forget and move on, I guess? Doesn’t feel all that romantic to us, but okay.
“This Could Be Love”
Within the first verse of this song, Skiba states in a pilled out voice that he ‘shat the bed’ and ‘laid there in it.’ If that’s what gets him going, fine. We still aren’t sure it’s the best imagery to get the fires burning for everyone. In his defense he also says that he was ‘thinking of you’ but something about imagining him laying in his own waste really sours the mood.
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