Recently, the Hard Style skate crew discovered a badass public skate bowl tucked away in a private residential backyard. The bowl had some of the most gnarly hips and corners we’ve ever seen, plus it was real easy to get to. You just hop five fences, run past a super-aggressive rottweiler, then use bolt cutters to rip open a chain link fence. It was a summer paradise. Our Xanadu. But sadly, it was not meant to be, because soon after the bowl was poured and cured, some jackass filled it with gallons of chlorinated water.
It’s the most puzzling, X-Files-level shit any of us had ever seen. Why would someone fill a skate bowl with water? Why the inflatable whale? And now what do we do for the rest of the summer? It was a mystery for the ages. But with questions abound, Hard Style was determined to find the truth.
We began our investigation in the place you might least expect – the house of the backyard where the skate bowl is located. But after 30 seconds of intense knocking on the front door, our crack team of reporters determined that no one was home.
Dead end.
Our next logical move was to give up completely, which we did. For like, three weeks. But then we hit a major break in the case. Our friend Tommy said we should try knocking again. It was just crazy enough to work.
This time someone answered the door. And as our transcribed conversation below demonstrates, we were steadfast in our thirst for answers:
Old Man: Hello?
Hard Style: Hey bro, like, what the hell?
Dumb Fuck Geezer: Huh?
Hard Style: Our skate bowl, bro. What’s up with the aqua, dude, seriously?
Decrepit Dipshit: Huh?
Related: Report: Mark Learned to Kickflip While You Were At Summer Camp
After much confusion, Hard Style and the old man reached a tenuous agreement in which us “nice kids” were granted permission to use the bowl whenever we felt like it. But just when our summer seemed saved, the geezer flips his lid one night ‘cause we completely drained the pool. How are we supposed to skate if it’s full of water, bro? It probably didn’t help that Mikey M. took a dump in the cabana, but that’s no excuse for being an anti-skateboarding buzzkill.
Worst of all, we never did find out why the old man loved that water so much, or why he kept it in his skate bowl. But perhaps some mysteries are better left unsolved.