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5 Simple Thanksgiving Side Dishes to Passive-Aggressively Remind Your Mother You Know She Had an Affair

These delicious side dishes are designed to not only pair perfectly with your Thanksgiving turkey but to subtly remind your mother that you know what you know.

5. A Knowing Can Of Jellied Cranberries

A $1 can of jellied cranberries unscrewed and plopped on a paper plate will present an air of effortlessness as subtle nod of the effort your mother put into her marriage ten years ago when she started sleeping with her spin class instructor.

4. A Costco Pecan Pie of Judgment

This unnecessarily large pie will tug at your mother’s subconscious as she sees her gluttonous, hedonistic, selfish lifestyle reflected back at her. It’s thin, flaky layers reminding her of the stack of smutty love letters between her and Brandon you discovered in a shoe-box in her closet. Reddi Wip Topping will add a creamy element and look back at the time you caught her and Brandon spoon-feeding one another a milkshake at T.G.I.Fridays.

3. Green Bean Casserole That Can Shatter Your Whole World With A Single Sentence At Any Moment

Using this hundred-year old recipe passed down over four generations is a heavy handed hint that your great-grandmother stuck by her husband through two wars and a depression but that, yes, your father working late put too much of a strain on their marriage. The secret ingredient of crumbled Ritz crackers will add a crunchy element and make your mother recall that you have held this secret from your father for a decade.

2. Roasted Brussels Sprouts

Brussel Sprouts and olive oil is all you need for this simple meatless dish. It will also remind your mother of how your father couldn’t understand why she suddenly became a vegetarian for most of 2008, bless his heart.

1. Ginger-Spiced Turkey Meatballs Glazed with Sweet Pineapple Soy Glaze You Monster

What this recipe might sound complicated, it will give your mother PTSD-style flashbacks to the time you confronted her about the affair and all she told you was that, “Marriage is complicated, you’ll understand when you are older.” Well you are older now and you can handle marriage and handle making a delicious Sweet Pineapple Soy Glaze sure to leave the guests wanting seconds and your mother crying in the bathroom.

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