SHIPPENSBURG, Penn. — Local widow Claire Donnelly wouldn’t shut the hell up about her former spouse who tragically passed away recently, confirmed sources who have been trying to change the subject for the last 15 minutes.
“My god, all she talked about was Peter or James or whatever his name was. I’ve got my own problems, I really don’t need to keep hearing about how he died in a horrific car accident two days before their fifth wedding anniversary. I get it, he was on life support and in and out of comas for weeks,” said coworker Bradley Jameson. “It’s like, talk about the weather, football, or anything else people are interested in. No one likes someone who trauma dumps. Honestly, I’m just trying to swoop in and get in her pants. I don’t need to keep being reminded of the love she shared with a man for 15 years during his funeral. Think about someone else for a change, like me and my needs. For instance, my cat died two years ago and she hasn’t brought that up even once. So selfish.”
Despite indifference from everyone, Donnelly just couldn’t read the room.
“I can’t believe he’s gone,” said Donnelly while friends didn’t know whether to console her or pretend like she wasn’t sobbing. “The amount of love and support I received immediately after the incident has been tremendous, but after a good few hours it seemed like people wanted me to move on. I mean, I tried to. I talked about my grief and depression, but people seemed to be more interested in the catering job. I get it. The tuna tartare was to die for.”
Experts didn’t appear to relate to the widow’s struggles.
“Thanks to the advances of modern-day therapy, no one has to hear anyone else’s troubles anymore so nobody wants to be burdened with someone else’s emotional pain,” said psychologist Rudy Maiyer. “It’s way more healthy to pay to talk to a complete stranger about things that are going on in your life. We have evolved beyond the confines of intimate friendships and relationships, so now it just looks weird to talk about your dead spouse to your best friend of 30 years. Give your loved ones the gist and move on.”
At press time, Donnelly wouldn’t shut the hell up about her child who passed away after getting hit by a bus immediately after the funeral of her former husband.